The Funeral

Checkers, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Sitting in the church that I don't go to, at a funeral for someone that i had the good fortune of knowing for a very short time, amongst many people that i became friends with over the last 2 years was surreal to say the least...In the back row i couldn't help but look around and see how many people were connected and brought together by just one person...and i thought, if only we could understand that completely before we go...it seems almost like a silly joke not really being able to know that...It is sad that this beautiful young woman who was just getting to the good stuff in life went so early, but as someone said in the ceremony, we should remember the great things about her...that is true.

so as I was sitting there thinking about this loss and all those around me in various stages of grief, disbelief, denial, anger, sadness, and shock, I thought about my own life...how can we not? At first i felt selfish for thinking that way, but the truth is, we all need this once and a while to wake up and see the true paths of our life...it is so easily gone and done that it makes the things we do seem that much more important...It is easy to get overwhelmed with the everyday life that we lead; trying to be aware of our impending doom and therefore finding a balance between escaping mediocrity and living a wonderful life full of leisure and love and friendship...a balance of doing important things for ourselves, our friends and our families, and doing completely ridiculous things that only come around once and a while in life...I think as I get older i see this differently and from a place of more understanding that death is simply the fact...so based on that fact, I, as a man and person, need to wake up differently each day and ask a question..."what do I get to do today?" or as someone once said..."if you got hit by a truck today, would you go having done what you wanted?" shit...easier said than done, but how true...and each day is a new chance for it and a new chance to battle all of the things each day that get in the way of truly having joy and living to the fullest...

I have been sick with a pretty bad cold this week and for a while I have been feeling a bit, well, on the down side...but after today....i can feel better about it...i get to continue down my path....right or wrong, happy or sad...it is the path that I am on for reasons sometimes unknown....

Love and Understanding