Hand Painted Dog

Hand Painted Dog, originally uploaded by Shirley Two Feathers.

and so it has begun...i have finally started painting my new place and in doing so have become completely consumed by the forgotten zen of painting...i used to paint houses in college and I have had more than my share of painting rooms etc over the many years of construction, but it has been a while since i felt "Zen" about it and actually enjoyed the process...Thankfully my place is small enough that I am not overwhelmed by the job, but it really is fun to create a whole new space by starting with fresh paint...colors that make sense to you and that give your new place a more sophisticated or fun look...anyway, it feels good to actually be there working each day now and getting dirty. The actual move is on Sat, but it will be a week long process for sure getting settled. There is a creek right outside my bedroom window that the city just "turned on" again for the first time in the season..i guess they shut it off in the winter and as i was painting my room, out of the corner of my eye i saw this HUGE rush of water...like a flash flood or something and it scared the crap out of me..and then i realized it was just the creek...so that means i have a peaceful meandering creek out my window...nice eh? i think the new place is going to be amazing all around...with all the things i want and need, although a little on the small side, it is perfectly situated in Boulder and has a garage for my boy toys. what more could I want?

I am taking a bit of a break from painting now and will return later tonight to continue the work...the zen of painting...if you haven't...you should try it...very soothing...

love and understanding.

Worn

worn, originally uploaded by boxersiciliano.

I'm not a football fan..or at least, not much of one, although ironically i have been to two Superbowls and my share of college games in Oregon, but all in all, i could think of a million other things to do instead of watch a football game...no offense to the true fans, but it is just a fact for me...but......

The other day i was in the car wash and as I was paying i heard someone speaking about retirement on TV and i looked up and it was Brett Favre (faaavvrree) in the middle of his "sudden" retirement speech and at that moment i realized i was watching a fairly historical moment in sports, but more importantly i was watching a pretty amazing story. As I sat amongst air freshners, used news papers, soccer moms, guys who were rushing to get to the next appointment and had squeezed in a quick car wash, i sat in my own silent bubble, absolutely glued to the screen. I was watching this 38 year old man who has played professional football for something like 19 years, softly speaking about his end..his true moment of no longer feeling the passion that once drove him onward...it was a soft, heartfelt and tearful speech and i found myself getting emotional too..first off, how cool is it that this tough gnarly dude, was pouring his heart out to the public and press about his decision to no longer do the one thing in his life that makes sense...he was crying, sometimes softly with just some tears, and at moments, with the intensity that is only a tear away from absolute breakdown...I thought, this is good for our world right now...for our men, for our hearts...to hear someone being truthful about the reason they were stepping down and I remember what he said...."for the first time ever, i no longer have the desire to play" (or something to that effect)...he went on to say, that he could play, but only in theory and he no longer had it in him to be his best and to live eat and die football...i thought at that moment, how amazingly hard it must be to go from one of the best players ever, to thinking, I can't do it anymore....it really must be the ultimate moment of realization that life isn't forever...we see these guys as superhuman and forget that at some moment, they have to stop...and although we have seen it before, this time felt different for some reason...maybe it was his sincere feelings in the moment, or maybe it was my feelings of my own life and my own realization that Brett Favre is only 3 years older than i am and I still have a long way to go..he has been on a journey that took him to places most of us only dream of in a short amount of time...it made me think i was a loser, then it made me remember, my journey is not measured by his or anyone elses..and I felt proud to be me at that moment and not Brett Favre...but i also understood his place...wondering what was next, what could he possibly do now that football was over? I think i witnessed some piece of sports history, but more importantly I was a part of a man's life, if just for a moment, that rings true for me and probably everyone....the woman next to me said "this is such a shame for our country"...I heard myself reply, "well, he 's tired and doesn't want to play anymore...you can't blame him"...she didn't really say anything else and I thought it was weird that at that moment there were probably many people thinking the same thing she was because, really, when you think about it...we have very few "superheroes" left...and I think Brett Favre may have been one of them....He isn't my superhero, but I think he was and still is a superhero to others...and that is a good thing...it does give us hope and strength and if there is one thing we need in this world right now it is hope and strength...I was proud at that moment to be right where i was in life and to be able to witness that moment in history...i will always be able to remember that moment and at least pretend I was a football fan.

I went outside into the chilly, but blue sunny air, spoke some spanish to the two sweet ladies who had just finished drying my very large truck, tipped them 10 bucks, took a deep breathe, jumped in the truck and drove off...smiling because i just had another free lesson in mortality, passion, pain, love and life. It made my day that much more important... thanks Brett...

A Car

Hi there...i know it has been a while...since the last post, i have been sick again and simply not motivated to do much, but work and sleep...so there. I am still so much in limbo these days not having a place, not knowing my next job for the summer, worrying about a car etc...that i had to let it all rest a bit, but things are shaping up for a big change.  I will move into the new condo on the 15th and as of yesterday began planning all the things I'd like to do.  Painting is the first thing and that will be very zen and fun for me to do as I put my stamp on the new digs.  then I'll be framing in part of the garage as a work/studio/guest bedroom and that has also been fun to plan.  On top of that, I have been researching a new car...something practical and small compared to the monster truck i've had for too long now...and as above, I do love the new VW GTI as an option but we'll see...ahhh car shopping..the source of so many peoples stress and anxiety...i am learing and getting better and thanks to the help of my dad, who is a master car buyer and eats salesmen for lunch, i think i will succeed sooner than later.  I have been slowly making deliberate headway on the rehab of my knee and I feel good about moving forward in the next few months to my old speed of riding my bike, working out and basically running around without pain.  Yesterday my therapist said my knee was looking awesome and that I should be well on the way to complete recovery in a few weeks....whew...that has been tough, but really important to take time with.  

my creative juice has slowed a bit, as you noticed I am sure with the lack of writing, but these days i am taking it one at a time and simply looking to the next moment of change and triumph, but I can't say that I haven't been frustrated and a bit on edge as of late...patience is a tough test for me sometimes and as I move through it is up and down and I am learning to breathe more and take it in stride as best i can...once again, being the benefactor of so much love and support from those around me.  Today is cold and snowy and I am enjoying a much needed day off from work, which has been great, but a bit tiring as of late after being sick and such.  I don't have much profound thinking today other than it is nice to know that I'll have my own home in a few weeks...a place to call my own, to set up my things, to hunker down and create, to feel good in....i can't wait to have a fire in the fireplace...that will be awesome!

I hope all of you are well and anchored at least and trusting the universe as I am also trying to do....

love and understanding.