Tuesday, December 30, 2008


cocktails, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

sitting on the edge of the bed listening to the wind this morning we marvelled at the trees bending and blowing in the wind...wise grey bare and old they moved and we wondered...do trees smile in the wind?

I think they do...Nita was right if you think about it...most of the time they are pretty still..so is this play for them? and i mean the wind was whipping all night long..50-60 mph gusts easily...it must feel good to sway and dance and move with the wind. Like a brush through a childs hair maybe? Or maybe it makes them feel wild and free and gets the funk out...you know, it helps clean them out a bit.


Trees outlive us.
They are always growing.
Sometimes they break.
They help us breathe.
Squirrels like them.
Birds like them.
Hammocks can hang between them.
They whistle.
They creak.
They have leaves during the spring.
They can be hundreds of years old.
Dogs pee on them.
They die.
They get sick.
They see things we will never see.
They feed fires.
They build houses.
They built planes and boats.
They have built bridges.
Bows and Arrows.
Wooden spoons.
Wooden bowls.

I like trees...so anyway...i think the trees are smiling today and having fun.

Love and Understanding.

Monday, December 29, 2008

off track

lonely, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

amazing how a bad cold can completely send you off the tracks of the daily routine..it is beyond me why this happens to me every time i get one...i mean, the thought process of it all. I find myself first being really frustrated that i got sick and blaming myself and my environment for not being strong enough or healthy enough. Then I try and figure out why i need to slow down...what is the cold telling me? then i get mad again...why the F am I sick??? again??? what the hell??? Then after a long nap and giving into the whole business, i enjoy it for a moment, then I feel like a big huge loser....doing nothing, making a mess, unhealthy, not able to go skiing or spend time with Nita or the family. Then i blow my nose and fall asleep and dream really wierd Nyquil induced, stuffy nose dreams...then I awake and look outside and wonder why me...why am I the ONLY one who got sick? huh?? what did i do to deserve this?

after my 5th movie and trying to do something "productive" like reading or writing, i fall asleep on the couch wondering what it would be like to have lots of money and no worries and servants who bring me tea when i ring the bell. (another Nyquil induced dream and thought) It is usually at this time that I decide enough is enough, get up, take a shower, get dressed and then think about doing something...and then realize, that i am not being very nice to myself...not treating me with care, or giving myself the permission to be ok in stinky pj's all day...would I do this to my child when I have one??? heck no...Can you imagine what that sounds like??
"Get dressed already! You've been lying around for 2 whole days doing...lord knows what! You're not sick! Take it like a man! Get going and finish up your work and the things you are putting off!! And while your at it...be stronger, be smarter, be better, and don't ever get sick again!:"

yeah..something like that...I would be taken away for child abuse and neglect probably...so...why is this ok for me to say to me? it is not...that is the point.

I think this is one of my life lessons that is probably the hardest thing for me to learn and move beyond...I am so hard on myself during times of strife and i am fully aware of it, but continually have to fight against it and stand up for myself and work against all the negative crap that i put in my own head...now imagine...couple that with all of the other negative input we receive throughout the day from other sources...wow...it is a wonder sometimes that we can get up and stand at all...the battle we wage to maintain our "track" of daily life...the reality of our goodness is always under attack by the voices and the signs that try and pull us off track...

I find solace in knowing that it is a common human condition that we all go through every day...the daily struggle to shine our light into the darkness of our own minds...the knowledge that we cannot see past our own light in our world, but trust that the light will reveal its path with each step forward...and only then will we see what the reasons were for being sick, for losing, for trying, for being scared, for loving, for giving, for not knowing....

our light is the pathway to our own maps if we trust that the maps are leading us down the right path...

so..here is my reasoning for being sick...my batteries were low and they needed to be recharged so i could shine my light and see the details on the map more clearly...

love and understanding.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


sit with me, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

so here it is...the eve of Christmas...seems surreal really. I am up and it is a beautiful day here in Boulder. The sun is shining and the world seems just a bit slower, except for the squirrel i saw running back and forth from tree to tree in the snow next to the frozen gray stream out of our window...i suppose he is looking for one more nut to store, or maybe he is just enjoying the day...i don't know, but that was the first thing I saw this morning...so i got up...shuffled out barefoot and Tita was there with the coffee ready and i think my hair was a bit punk rock off to one side and my throat was dry and i put cream in the coffee with natural sugar and proceeded to the creative nook in our small dwelling...the place we go to live in our world of music, photos, paintings..the box, the sunken studio, the creative cube...there is a small heater in there we named Herman the Heater...he is on and working hard to keep us warm, and our small tree Herald is sitting with his lights on and presents under the tree...did I say small? yes...i mean little, but big in spirit...and the wood floor is cold on my socks and I am slowly waking up to another day in the soft world of creativity and love.

i remember thinking in Santa Monica, that the norm is not the norm but if you are there it is the norm..what the hell does that mean??? you ask....well for example..here in Boulder everyone, and I am not exaggerating, i mean probably 70% of the cars you see on the road are Subarus....ok, so in LA, the norm is Porsche, Ferrari, Mercedes, Lamborghini...more so than I ever remember...oh and Bentleys..that is a big one too...i mean, man..how the heck do you look around and not feel like that is just...well...normal??? to have a car that costs 150 thousand greenies...? ok...what does that mean. Nothing really...just something I noticed. the unreal world of the world, the perception of the world around us and what it sometimes looks and feels like...

here is another one...how about the perception of love? I'll bet if you stand or sit in one place today, and watch, you will see that the norm in this world is love...watch for couples and families, and mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers...watch them all around you...i'll bet that when you see it, you'll remember that things are the way they are supposed to be...Just like the cars, there are times when we forget to push past the perception of the world in which we live and are told to fear an worry and forget and not love...

Sitting in a chair quietly today, writing and wishing that the way i have lived my life had been stronger at times, I realize that this is the best I can do...i don't say this for being in need of a pep talk...i say this in the reality of the life we live...the thing that matters is today and the courage and strength it takes for all of us to sit and reach out and live and laugh and love and say what we are really feeling and thinking at the moment we need to...or not...maybe just smiling and standing up and leaving that moment to a magical bench in a park on a day you saw the world pass by in love....smiling to yourself because you managed to catch a glimpse of those two in the grass who just realized they can't be without each other....

Love and Understanding.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


handle it, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

this year is coming to a close quite fast...it has been a whirlwind of family, gift preparing, working, resting, and wondering...wondering what the next day will hold and how things will work themselves out in the coming year. It is easy to get caught up in the unknown i think .....right now I feel a good amount of unknown and in working through it i feel like a small being sitting by a fire on the top of a mountain having council with the wind and the snow and the direction of the moon.

the recent cold weather here makes it easy to sit inside and work on the things that need to be worked on..the writing, the photographs...but it also plays tricks on the mind and the body and then i realize why bears hibernate..i mean...why not? to some extent it makes perfect sense, and beside, it will be summer before we know it and we'll be outside and then we'll feel like we don't have an excuse to stay indoors and drink warm drinks in flannel pants and shirts while eating the 3rd helping of left overs from the holiday meal. I suppose that last winter I was forced to stay inside due to the knee so it wasn't as obvious as this year, that I am for sure affected by the weather. I am not necessarily depressed or sad, but I feel as though my whole body has slowed down and for me that is an adjustment.

I am better in my life now about "doing nothing", whereas my earlier years I would freak out and couldn't sit still for too long for fear of...what? I don't know. I am using this time to rest and be ok with the slower pace of things, the introspective times and the cozy world of winter...

so I travel back to the image of me on the top of a mountain by a blazing bonfire looking out over the vastness of the mountains around, which is my life. The mountains i have climbed and fallen off and walked around, and burrowed into, and flown over...and I have somehow made it to this particular mountain and for some reason, there is a feeling that the mountains ahead of me are not as steep or dangerous, because i am now an experienced climber...does it mean I am not afraid? of course not..to be afraid is the ability to save ourselves from disaster and making mistakes, but it is also an important reminder that i have been afraid before and as long as I step with purpose and care and put into practice all the things i have learned and the tricks of the trade in this life, I can look at any of the mountains around me and go to them and sit on top and wonder about how I got up, how I will get down, how I far i have come, and how far I can still go...

the mountain of 2008 was probably the largest expedition yet...and i have spent each day of the 365 on a great journey, of which the journey to the next mountain will take me and fulfill me again and again. That is what I have remembered and learned most this year...the journey...

the journey is the path of the beginners mind, the peaceful warrior, the armored angels, the artists way, the human being...there is no end in site for me...nor would I ever want there to be...odd that i am deathly afraid of heights and yet i understand the idea of climbing a mountain and then getting to the top and looking for the next one...not from a standpoint of prowess, but from the place of living for each moment, each moment that foot trudges forward in the face of danger and beauty...all of this i see and feel this moment and I am embracing the fullness of the wind that is always at our back.

I have shared this journey for a year now....and as I look behind i see the world from a different place...a place of a tiny bit more understanding and patience and love....all those that have believed in me and loved me...

may this year come to a close with the feeling that you too have climbed your mountain and now as you sit, be amazed at your strength and bravery...this is the journey we are on...remember, there are still seven oceans after the mountains...so pace yourself....

Whatever it is you celebrate, i hope it is complete this year.

Love and Understanding.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


cacti, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

And so it is in this life...I just took a walk outside, in the cold to get coffee and go to the bank and then it happened...a homeless man having a seizure named Bob...I was there as it was happening and in the past I wouldn't have acted i think...but these days, having the first aid and the job i have, i am more inclined to get involved...so I did...he was seizing and foaming at the mouth and two other guys stopped and together we were able to help him...hold his hands, call 911, get him calmed down a bit...i was scared he was maybe going to die in my arms...He took this huge breathe and reached up for me and grabbed me...like it was his last moment and then all the breathe went out of him...just for about 2 seconds...then he seemingly fell asleep...his pulse was only 60 bpm...scary...so we waited...and in that moment i was sad...sad that this human being was alone and scared and then I felt ok...i was there with another man holding his hand and letting him know that someone cared for even one second....this is not about me saving someone because all i did was take some action, but it is about remembering our place in the world and the preciousness of our life...the recognition of others lives and the opportunity we have to help those in need...and so life goes on, and I walked home...

So today...and throughout the holidays, be an angel for those who need it most...even a smile, a moment...you never know who's life you will save...

Love and Understanding

Friday, December 12, 2008


chute, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

so i have travelled back to Santa Monica for the weekend and I marvel at the space around me...not the physical space but the mental space..the place i have created in my own mind and place to walk here in the busy world of LA and feel like I have a HUGE space around me...breathing room and an identity that I never had before when I did live here. A different perspective i suppose than before...like I am outside looking in. there is a calmness with that in this crazy frenetic energy that makes me realize that it isn't so bad here, you just need to have a super strong realization of who you are and how you stand...I am not saying I suddenly know who I am, but having some clarity sure helps. I find myself not working to stay out of negative mindsets like I used to, but actually being a part of the affirmative world here; looking at people in the eye, listening to them and bringing a real moment to them. Those moments in this city are rare and I wish it weren't so, but it is...point being, we need to make the effort to be kind and to spend the small moments wisely so we can spread the good energy around.

My dad and Swirly have an amazing set up here and have managed to do just that...they are the beacon in the storm here, where those who are lucky enough to share a part, get to visit and be taken care of and nurtured. there is a quiet place in the house upstairs that feels calm and cozy and i always feel ok here.

I have the same feeling in Boulder when we sit in our cozy little place and feel safe and taken care of...i think it comes down to how we set up our nests so we feel ok...so we feel like we can return any time we want and feel ok...that place that is the sanctuary for our souls and hearts and minds....i realize that being here in the nice weather reminds me that i am really adjusting to the winter for the first time...i mean last year was new and novel and i leaped right in..this year it has changed before my eyes and i find myself wanting to hunker down and be still and quiet..i get it...part of my feelings lately, have been for sure related to the winter months...something I am not quite used to yet. I like it, don't get me wrong but it feels, well....different and I understand it better from a distance, which makes it ok. Winter is a time to hunker a bit and get introspective and make the adjustment into a slower pace. it just is...

so here is to hunkering down in the winter and feeling ok with that.

love and understanding.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

1 year

and so it is...one year to the day since I got in my truck, loaded with all my entire life's belongings in a trailer, said goodbye to Santa Monica, and half of my family, and set off with my best friend Gus to Boulder, Co....a year... it seems surreal really that 365 days have passed by and in those days so many things have transpired it is mind boggling...it is snowing here today and grey and I am fighting probably the worst cold i have had in a while...I wouldn't say i feel melancholy or sad or anything like that, but there is a certain feeling of quietness within, a reflection of my life.  How is it that 1 year has passed already?  

I am proud to have jumped off a cliff and trusted the wings that would sprout.  I can't say it has been easy all the time and I can't say i haven't felt lonely at times or sad, but i can say that i am more alive now and in love and more content with my life than i have been in a long, long, long....time.  I don't really think leaving Santa Monica and coming to Boulder is why...i think, that like a cocoon, it just took me a long time in life to get there...to get to a point of some feeling of contentment...some feeling of understanding and perspective.  I am not done with that, nor do i pretend to be content with the beginnings of that, but I am happy to feel my wings getting stronger and bigger....

I couldn't say this a year ago and mean it....
" hi, my name is Justin Davis Davanzo and I am a writer, a photographer, a strong man, an amazing husband to be, a loving son and brother, and a brave warrior...and the luckiest guy around."

one year...thank you for all of your love....

love and understanding.

Monday, December 1, 2008


barbed, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

funny how procrastination works huh? Yesterday I cleaned the house...i mean really cleaned the house...I vacuumed every nook and cranny and wiped the blinds down and got out the wet mop for the floors, and scrubbed the toilet and sinks and tub, and even managed to shorten a few of the blinds for the windows...something i have been wanting to do for a long time....I dusted, I wiped down the fridge and the stove and the washer and dryer, i did two loads of laundry...Like a hurricane I was...a category 5 cleaning hurricane for about 2.5 hours...and then i went and bought a small christmas tree..not a real one, but a great little fake one that looks real and already has lights on it and we named him Herald...not Harold, but Herald..you know, clever like....and then it finally happened...3 hours later, I found my point of entry into my work again...I spent the next 5 hours lost in my studio.

I guess it works out that way sometimes. I knew i needed to be in there, but couldn't quite find the moment of entry, so I cleaned...and cleaned...and mindfully procrastinated. I say mindfully because I knew all along that I would end up there, but it was just a matter of timing....like creative foreplay...yes...that is what it is...Creative Foreplay! Aha..see, this really works...I think that will be the name of one of the chapters...

gotta go now, there are a few drawers I have been meaning to organize....

Love and Understanding.

Friday, November 28, 2008


Stand, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

wow...a year...one year..i remember last year like it was yesterday on Thanksgiving..usually i can't remember the previous years festivities, but I think this year was so drastically different that it was easy..different in so many ways..all of this is good, some of it means missing my family, but for the most part, this day was a perfectly divine and peaceful one and full of new family and persons that are amazing to be with. I am a lucky man for sure. I have had some time away from this blog (ha...like two days or something, but it seems like a long time...) I find myself so connected with my writing and thoughts that it is hard to contain them..I am working on my book each day and it is opening doors that are scary to walk through and thoughts that are sometimes not comfortable, but the process is like a blog on crack...and i like that...it forces you to have some direction, but also to let things go and really trust the process and not rely on the end product. I do not know how long it will be, how many pictures, or if it will be good...i do know that by doing it, i am freeing my inner thoughts on a new level...i have a huge respect for writers who actually tell a story and for writers who have the courage to write at all...and for all those that have come before me and paved the way with bravery and courage to write...(Swirly gets special props on this one!!) All of this..the pieces of the puzzle, the challenge, the journey..it is what delights me and scares the crap out of me...so there. I had to write today because i missed it....

Love and Understanding.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Turkey Day

olive, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Happy Thanksgiving!!! I hope your day is Full and Bountiful.

Love and Understanding.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

van gogh

van gogh, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I am on a journey...i may not write frequently for the moment...i will do my best, but my energy is being put into my book....which this picture serves as a preview....I shall be here still...

love and understanding

Thursday, November 20, 2008

time flies

broken, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I was thinking about how fast this year has gone...wow. it really is amazing how many things can change in a year. At this time last year I was still living in Santa Monica and staying in my dad' house with a storage POD full of my stuff, and only a plan to move to Boulder...no job, not sure of anything...when you really think about it and break it down to 365 days it sounds pretty strange...how many days there actually are in a year and what you did in those days to get to the next year. I was on a long ride yesterday alone marveling at the world around me, the beauty and the difference in my life that i live now...a silly one came to mind..I was riding north on a road that is similar to the Pacific Coast Highway, in that it is a main link from north to south here in Boulder, but instead of ending up in Malibu, it ends up in Lyons, a great little town, and instead of riding north with the ocean on my left, i have the Rocky Mountains on my left...just as majestic...on the right though, is a vast picture of open country, cows, farms, fields, trees with no leaves...that side is very different from the Santa Monica Mountains that would be on my right while riding north to Malibu. I found myself rejoicing and reminiscing at the same time. The amazing thing is that riding the bike is the huge common thread that I can relate my life to and in the end, it doesn't really matter where I am riding...it makes me happy. So a year ago, i might have been riding up the coast, but yesterday I was riding up the range....cool.

of course there are bigger things to this wandering about time...my incredible wife to be who is loving me and supporting me through all of my journey, my health, my job, my art...i think remembering that a year is packed with so many changes that it is almost silly to ever worry about what will be next year...life is change, and if you believe your path is good and right, the journey will change with the seasons and give you all the things that you wished for.

love and understanding

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

False Start

wood and metal, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

so this winter seemingly has had a false start and the weather is just fine, as if it were early summer...amazing and warm. So today i will get to ride my bike as if it were that time of year and enjoy the fresh air with some sun on my skin...

today is one of those days when waking up my mind is quiet with not much to think or say...i don't know if that is a peaceful feeling or just a blank slate for the moment...not sure, but i do feel a slight stirring of things that need to be done and thought and created....but for now, they are content to still be sleeping i think. I have practiced each day by doing something, sometimes big, sometimes small, for my art...an email to a contest, or beginning to work on more pictures, taking pictures, reading, writing...something anything, no matter how small...and then rewarding my mind with that moment for the day and giving permission to not have to write the 9th Symphony every day.
All the small things are what add up and make the big things matter...

all the small things add up.

maybe you do use math in this life...

Love and Understanding

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

the flying tractor

oh to fly, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

what? its not so crazy...i mean who the heck would have imagined that that we could fly in the first place? Or that we could actually go to space? or invent a computer that was a phone too? I mean really...who the heck thought of this stuff? So we have proof that anything is possible these days...an African American President, bikes with 21 speeds not just 10, cars that run on electricity...whoa...electricity? think about that one...someone thought up and figured out how to harness electricity...how many light bulbs have you screwed in during your life and never thought about that one? I know I don't think about it. Or matches? or Bounce dryer sheets...(love it), or shovels...Leaf blowers...loud, yes, but a heck of alot faster than a rake..I think today I will try and notice all the things that without, our lives would be vastly different..not worse, or better or easier or harder, just different...

I am sure for every one thing invented there are 1000 items that didn't quite make the grade..like my flying tractor here..one, the propeller is a bit small and two, well, it could use some wings..but they were thinking outside of the box at least...why we would use a flying tractor i haven't quite figured out yet.

My point this morning is that as an artist, we may be inventing 1000 pieces of work before one of them gets noticed, or bought, or put in a show, or even appreciated...Van Gogh sold one painting 7 years into his 10 year painting career...one...and he is Van Gogh...

so i say, keep trying to get tractors to fly..because strange things happen, and when someone says, "yeah, when monkeys fly out of my butt", stand back and have some bananas ready, because they just might be in for a surprise....Now when pigs start flying, we may want to be a bit more careful.

Love and Understanding.

Monday, November 17, 2008


duty, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

ok...so this is what it is...La Resistance. The last few days i have been feeling...well, i don't even really know..lazy, unmotivated, not willing to do anything...lost in a world of not knowing what i should be doing, and then it hit me...THIS is it, this is the part that we all talk about, the resistance of going onward and forward...I am not sure how it suddenly came on, but boy was it strong, and it still is, but literally when I laid out a grand plan of major creative endeavors I stopped dead in my tracks...the resistance movement was suddenly upon me. The kind where you question all the things you are doing and have done and want to do...but this time is different. This time i recognize it for what it is..not a confusion of lost will or creative stupor, no, a battle within that I will not lose. I suppose in my life this has happened many times and I just thought it was my way of knowing when I should move on and try other things and then i think of all the times I stopped trying because the resistance tricked me....wow. ok well this time, i see it for what it is and realize that it is ok to have some down days and some thoughts, but the reality is, there is no way I can let the resistance bury my bold and courageous battle for creative might and victory...sure, it can try, but it will not win or draw me off into another world....Maybe that is why i like taking pictures of things like cones...little soldiers in an impossible landscape that seem to have their purpose down pat..."Caution"...oh...i get it, that cone wants me to pay attention to something near by so i don't do damage to myself or the things around it. Hmmm...maybe we need our own mental cones that get put out in our brain and tell us that we approaching a "resistance zone" up ahead and to slow down and pay attention so we don't crash into anything...kind of like the sign i see in the winter..one of my favorites..."Ice may exist" You know, they aren't sure, but there is a possibility that ice is around the corner and if you don't slow down...zip...off the road you will go...so they put the sign there to remind you no matter what.. So, "Resistance May Exist" ...aha...good, i am glad someone pointed that out so I can be aware, take a moment, and make my way through it to the other side. I may even make a shirt...yeah..that is a good idea...."Resistance May Exist"

Time to get back on my horse and ride.

love and understanding

Friday, November 14, 2008


The first snow...finally!....i feel like a little kid.
We're going out for a walk and getting some coffee...


love and understanding.

Thursday, November 13, 2008


panzetta, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

it is so easy to get overwhelmed with the many things we have to do and want to do every day in life...there are just too many things on the plate. Like the plate in the picture though, it may seem like a bunch of random things thrown together, but really, it has been carefully prepared, planned and thought out and in the end this will be an empty plate because it is so tasty..but only because all the things on the plate were meant to be there and they all made friends with the other things on the plate and their juices came together and mixed and melted and became one...making the ultimate outcome a taste extravaganza..sort of like our daily life with all the things on our plates..all the things that make up our daily moments and experiences that will propel us down the path we want to be on and the delicious walk of life that is full of all things creative, confusing, overwhelming, difficult to understand, tiring, joyful...they will all come together and create the perfect blend of life that will taste just the way it is meant to taste through careful design (that of which we are not fully aware of) and it will happen over and over and over...I like to call it "A big dish of overwhelmed pie"....so, next time you feel overwhelmed, make sure to check the oven and take a big wiff of the ingredients cooking slowly (ok, if you are having a shitty day at this point, something is for sure needing to be adjusted) and remember that in the end, it was all part of the grand plan in the cook book of life...page 293..mark it with one of those string things attached to the cookbook so you don't lose your place and then you can cook that dish over and over when ever you want...mmmm....i like the sound of it .

love and understanding.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Today I am cooking...i am cleaning...i am in my Utopia
What I will cook is a surprise
I have begun my journey with Van Gogh.
I am only able to lift a fallen leaf
and grasp it with a soft touch
the brittleness complete and ready
to disintegrate...
to blow away in the wind
and leave things bare and brown and gray.
I smelled toast this morning on a road
while riding a bike in the cold air
wafting through me with a curiosity 
that brought me to this day..
a toast and Van Gogh day.
A day when I planned to conquer the world.

Love and Understanding.

Monday, November 10, 2008

that time of year

warm, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

the last few days have been interesting...i think it is that time of year..a sort of in between place..the changing of the guard and seasons and for me i tend to think about all the things i could be, want to do, want to be, have been, have had, will have, want...you get the picture. I again have returned to the idea that I am first and foremost, a creative being, and if I can't create, I am not happy.

This triggers grand ideas of writing a book, or making a movie, or being in another play. The syndrome of wanting to do so many things at once that you can't even start one thing. I sometimes sit on the edge of the bed and wonder what it would be like to just be a writer...or just be a photographer...you know...I think having those thoughts are a good thing as it keeps us sharp and grounded so we can keep our strength about us and make sure we are doing the things we want to be doing. The life of an artist. It is so different from that of someone wanting to be a doctor, for example. I suppose there are many choices within those fields of wanting to be a doctor, but at some point you will become a doctor of something, which is an amazing feat. I am not saying doctors aren't creative by the way. My point being, that as a creative person, and by that i mean someone who MUST be creative in there life's work, there are many ways to be distracted and many things to find creative. I for one, love many different art forms and wish i could be all of them.
A rock star
A published author
A well known actor
A recognized photographer
A music composer
A famous chef

Now..if I look at my list, ( and there are many other things to add, but i'll keep it simple...) i am all those things in my mind already, but the idea of really making my life about that is the challenge and is the Grand Canyon of creativity at times...you know, standing on the edge of that and wondering how it will look from the other side...and as my favorite quote, the one that helped me start this blog, the one from Mr. Bradbury, always reminds me...if you stand there too long, you will never learn to fly..so jump and grow the wings on the way down...a constant reminder to do so.

So look for my new CD coming out, which, after reading my new book you'll find a discount card for it, but only if you see the new movie I am in, and after you visit my photo show, where you'll here some theme music for a movie i wrote, and afterwards, make sure you stop by my restaurant for some amazing yummy comfort food...the kind that makes you eat slow and utter sounds only...

Love and Understanding.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


Old Glory, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

and so it is...the changing of the guard. We sat at home last night and thought about the historical elements of this day....I still can't quite grasp it in its fullness yet, but I felt an immediate sense of accomplishment and breathed a sigh of relief in knowing that there had been an overwhelming call for change. My good friend Luke mentioned that he hoped we wouldn't suffer from the ridiculous "not my president" syndrome and that everyone could begin to make an effort and put aside our different beliefs etc...I couldn't agree more. I was angry when watching a small bit of McCain's speech, which i think was possibly his most eloquent and best yet, as the crowd hissed and boo'd at the mention of Obama as a president...get it together people and start thinking of the next day and how we can get to work...
The world is celebrating and i feel proud to be American today. I feel lucky to be a part of history and a generation that is playing a role in shaping history. This will be something we look back at for years to come as our moment in history..like the JFK generation, the MLK years, landing on the moon, defeating the Germans in WWII, Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address...i think until yesterday, our generation has had far too few moments to be proud of...this one makes me proud.

Remembering that this man can't change things alone is key and being able and willing to work as a collective whole will be the key for the next (8 years?)...It seems that this could potentially fuel amazing shifts in our entire global world...that this could inspire more than the US to make change...

my mom was beside herself last night as she finally felt heard and recognized...i have never heard my mom so happy about a political outcome...ever... This is truly a great moment in our history to remember...we can, as a whole, decide to work together....

Imagine when President Obama walks through the door as a representative of the United States of America, and not some bumbling jack ass who can't form a sentence....imagine what President Obama will say, do and inspire.

i am proud today.

Love and understanding.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Vote Muse

cricket, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

the first time i voted was in 1992 while I was a student at the University of Oregon...it was a novel idea that I could vote for something. I really didn't have a care in the world and I voted for Ross Perot because i liked his ears...really...and also, because i believed that Bill Clinton would win no matter what so what did it matter? Not the best way to think of things I suppose.

Flash forward 16 years...jeez...but this time the world is a different place...and i have spent time really trying to grasp the outcome of decisions we as a country are about to make. I don't pretend to be a political know it all or someone who volunteers to work for the campaign, but I will say that at this point, I have been more aware of the world during this time and this election than ever before...i really believe that no matter what happens, we are right smack in the middle of a huge historical day...if either candidate wins, it not only will have a profound effect on the mood of our country, but the next 4 years will be one dictated by today's decision. I think either candidate will face very difficult times no matter what and it won't change on a dime either way, but we will look back at this election as a time when we, as a whole, made decisions that changed the outcome of the world...maybe for better or maybe for worse.

I don't inherently believe in politics, but i do believe in the human spirit and if there was ever a time that our spirit was being tested it is right now. If Obama is elected, (and I don't know if he will be the best person, nor do I believe McCain would be the worst), I think it will at least trigger a hope in us that we need...a hope to help us through some very difficult times...an example that we can actually do things differently, a charge to our psyche...if McCain is elected, I think we will have a hard time as it will feel like we can't change things and who cares anymore. Again, McCain may be better for some and Obama better for some, and I do not say this to walk the politically correct line of not making an argument for my candidate, but i simply feel that one does represent a path of new hope and beginning and one does not....at least for me.

I guess my simple analogy in my simple world would be...if i were a young student and year after year I had an old teacher who didn't inspire me much, and then i had a choice to be with a new young teacher with tons of ideas and energy and fun...i would want to be in that class. That is not to say old teachers aren't wise and amazing sometimes, but there are times when we need a new face, a new idea a new class...

so for today, November 4, 2008...for the first time ever i say...vote...because we truly need the practice....and who knows...we may be on the final turn as a country, so why not make it a good one.

Love and Understanding.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Muse 9

matrix, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I thought maybe my muse had slipped away...after a weekend of fantastic costumes and amazing food and long fall bike rides...It is amazing how we can all share a bit of each others life through these blog entries...from all over the world. I love the idea of someone sitting in a cafe in Florence sipping coffee reading this blog or writing in theirs...it connects the dots and holds us all together. What a great way to give to each other.

Well, after my stint as Paul Bunyan, or the Mountain Gnome, as Nita loves to call me...(cute eh?) i have hung up the axe and gone back to my creative roots as a writer and photographer, although i did enjoy walking around with a very large beard and drinking from a straw. The thought that it is already November 3 and the time change has occurred is simply awe inspiring..time is flying by so quickly. Life has a way of doing that. We relished in maybe our last fall bike ride with warm weather yesterday, up into the mountains through the orange, yellow and red leaves and as often as possible, we made sure to ride through the leaves on the ground so we could smell and hear them crunch below. It will most likely snow here wednesday and with it bring a slower pace and a hibernation of winter, although we fully intend to ski as much as possible.

we discussed the idea of how life changes so quickly and for now we are going to embrace our time in it before little ones come along, which will be magic I am sure. As i see so many of my dear friends and family who have little ones embracing the rapid times of their new lives...they are amazing.

So as the day begins, and a new month brings us closer to the next year, I am feeling comfortable in this life and what it has in store....

Down the Hill:

a smile comes across my face
as i glide effortlessly
with conviction and focus.
a part of me is left behind
as i look ahead and see clearly, the road twists and
turns and bends with grace.
i take the shortest way
watching the white lines stretch
out in front of me as i
am flying, free with no one
to slow me down. i converge
on myself being a child with
no cares in the world.
i am free.
i am free.

Love and understanding

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Paul in action....notice the beer in one hand and the axe in the other...shortly after this shot was taken, i was run out of town by the local boulder tree huggin association...but i managed to still cut down one or two...with my cardboard axe...

Friday, October 31, 2008

happy halloween from Paul Bunyan and the Blue AX

muse 8

dog's eye view, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

dedicated to dogs....

so lately i have thought about the daily struggle of our lives to prove to ourselves and others that we are good...that we are strong and brave...we all want that feeling of someone being proud and appreciative of us. The challenge is that in life it will be far and few in between and we must learn to acknowledge our own self and integrity and be happy with numero uno and ultimately not worry about what others will think. Funny how we forget that most people are concerned not about you, but about themselves, and I don't mean bettering themselves, i mean, how can they beat you to the punch and squash your energy and dreams and hopes...they come from the fear that there is not enough room in the universe for everyone to fulfill their talents and be amazing and be recognized..so we get tripped up into thinking "why is he/she acting that way towards me today..i thought they liked me..." instead of stopping and first understanding that more than likely, they are not ok with themselves at that moment and there is nothing remotely in their minds concerning your existence. So we then fall into the trap of getting caught in pleasing others and trying to make sure they see us and are ok with us...when in fact, we have now lost ourselves, our true being and purpose to those around us who are, sometimes without knowing it, pulling us away and down from our passions, loves, and purpose...
so i think it is important to remember that we need to make a difference in our own perception of our own world and come at it each day with an attitude adjustment...an adjustment that says i am a hero and how can i be strong for myself and those around me who are not?

i wrote this mantra for myself to help me remember...back in 2003..

"I am a quiet hero unbeknown to those around me. They do not see my daily deeds of self preservation and human "beingness" (not a word but should be) in which i struggle to hold myself up high and walk proud and save myself from the ugliness around.. Those who have fallen from their own mantras of what it is to be a hero I have seen. What it truly means to live each day watching and waiting for each moment.
I am a quiet hero; nobody sees the deed i have done, yet i hold my head high and carry on..."

point being...no one will really know or see our daily deeds so get good at patting yourself on the back and being proud of your integrity and your bravery and your "hero" status....

if you'll excuse me, i am going to find the closest phone booth so I can change...afterall, it is Halloween.

Love and Understanding

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Muse 7

cold, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Leonard Cohen is one of my very favorite poets, songwriters and spirits..if you have ever listened to his voice, it is captivating with a gravel texture mouthing the words he has written in a perfect sound. there is a lyric in one of his songs that inspired my free write below some years ago...we are all weighed down by things in life that feel heavy and difficult from time to time and it seems to me that those burdens are a choice we make...the choice to let them be heavy, or a choice to carry them easily and not let them hold us to the earth.

"in fact a burden lifted from my soul" -Leonard Cohen


In fact a burden lifted from my soul. The burden of a life within i can not control nor do i want to. I have greased the wheels from the slow squeak plaguing my mind.

In fact a burden lifted from my soul.

Shall my soul be awake in the deep blue of the early morning light and sky? Breathing with a cool wind in my nose do i float effortlessly along the rolling windy paths of disguise. As if i am free, as if my burdens have flown far away and gotten lost in the absolute sky above. The sky of never ending ironic capital clouds that build animals and float listlessly in the same burden-less breeze that kills my burdens with ferocity of butterflies in a hail storm of their paper-thin wings..like leaves in autumn with minds of their own, flying away together, quietly and unshakably tolerant of the torrential terror in front, behind, and below. The burdens endlessly float away by themselves and release the kindness of a lost soul buried beneath senseless fluff and ignorance. Do i bury myself and cross my arms with pale make up for all to see? I will let my burdens fly with monarchs and die into the light of a afternoon sun and cool in silky light. Lapse of memory inside a bowl cut with lemon and sugar giving a stinging pain to the open wounds of my burdens. Alas my burdens have set me free.
At last i am behaving like a butter-flied soul...conscious...aware and carefree.

love and understanding

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

muse 6

green and scratched, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

middle of the week tiredness today...it dawned on me when i was talking with some friends and reading some blogs that there are many times when we don't want to write because we feel like we can't share the deep dark things of how we feel...you know, the things we all go through each day, with the truth being, we aren't in a good mood, and we don't feel inspired, and we don't want to get out of bed, and we aren't really happy about things...even if all of it is temporary and fleeting, it still seems ridiculous to share. As i have been posting my Muse writings this week, i had been reading over some of my entries which are extremely dark and sad and quiet, because that was a time in my life when things were that way and my writing was the outlet, so now I have not connected so much with them because my life does not feel that way...but wow, reading back and thinking back...at the same time, the other half of my writing was hopeful, and inspiring and full of wisdom that i could not fully grasp and understand from myself..it was me speaking through the darkness trying to hold myself up and keep the light shining. That is what we must do...hold our lights close and dear because we will all go through the dark times in our lives , but to be able to express them, through writing, painting, music..anything creative...that is a huge blessing. I would challenge anyone to look back at something they used to do long ago, be it poetry, painting, whatever, and give a look and a read and see where it takes you. Was it a happy time? if so, what was going on? was it a darker time? Search a bit...find yourself 10 years ago and look around a bit....Not to live in the past, but to think about how you've arrived to today....

so to share i have chosen a darker one for today...

Part I:

I am alone and not sure of my future,
yet i am hopeful i do not fail my heart and my head.
i am lost in a huge world of locust
flying for the light of summer

Part II:

I am China. Porcelain breaks easily.
Sitting on a shelf waiting.
its purpose very clear, but useless.
Inside locked cabinets, clean and white.
Too fragile to put to use.
If broken it is irreplaceable.
Only on certain occasions will
it be used.
I am China unused, undisturbed.
Real from the acknowledgment
not from purpose. Sitting and waiting.
Delicate and fragile design surround
each piece.
Brittle and soft and useless.
A family heirloom full of meaning;
A gift given to be revered.
I am China; broken and irreplaceable.
Do not breathe too close for fear
of breaking the rest.

Love and Understanding

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Muse 5

Urban Yellow, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Today is a special day...my mom's birthday. So take a moment to think about you...and then ponder your mom's birthday. of course at this point we realize it takes two, so think about your dad too, but mostly think about your mom today because she actually birthed you...This human being is your mom....how amazing. I am sure we all have different views of our moms...but we can all agree...our mom is the one who really gave us our initial journey to this world....

this is how I view my mom...

a fairy with wings, an angel with a sword, a very large loud italian chef in a very loud large italian kitchen, a cute grandmother who likes to spoil my kids, a sicilian good witch who casts sicilian spells...sometimes the spells are to ward off the evil and sometimes they are to capture the good things in life, a famous writer and artist who managed to never have to cut her ear off, a wise sage who works with divine ones and guides them through the dark and into the light, a small child who still learns everyday how to do something new, my biggest fan, a super-hero who somehow, when we were kids, never slept or got sick and was always awake before we were, a dancing gnome, a little big woman, a tiger when crossed and a lioness when hunting, a queen in the royal court, a lighthouse in the storm..but most of all, she is my mom.

Happy Birthday mom...We love you!!!!

A birthday muse from 2001:

if you sit high on the bridge and
dangle your feet over and let the
wind rush by; if you do this and
happen to look down below into
the deep blue sparkling stream or
river below, notice that the current
is flowing somewhat quietly but very
rhythmically and with simple purpose.
it flows in synchronized white
water that gently parts around big
black smooth rocks. it finds its way
through twists and turns and onto
sunny sandy beaches and eventually
into the ocean where it is part of
a bigger purpose and picture. if you
are so inclined to look down and watch
the water rush by; make sure
to breathe and smile at the ebb
and flow beneath you.

this is life.

you on a bridge watching as life
journeys onward always downstream,
wether you are in it or not.

love and understanding..happy birthday mom

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Shiftling

ok..this is cool...click on the link to the right under The Shiftling...it will take you to a webite that is distributing the movie I starred in!  when you get there, click on movies and scroll through till you see The Shiftling..it will show you a short preview....wow...fun....Hollywood here i come.

Muse 4

DSC_0258, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Again with the dog...i think they might be my spirit animal perhaps...I think dogs and kids live a very similar life...get up when they want, go to sleep when they want, eat, play, worry about when mom and dad are coming home. Kids grow up though at some point and that is when dogs take the lead...they don't forget how to do all of those things...how to play and nap and love and listen. So today, I will practice being more like a dog....i might even hump someone's leg for fun....

2001-journal poem

this life is golden
give into it like a child
and take hold.

live complete and free
without knowing the mystery
of you or of me.

eat what you can and tast
all that you see
we can't smell the limbs
of pine in our finger
so pick them up and
let them bleed.

deaf to the songs of birds
will give into madness.
open up and listen
to what the say with
small brains and simplicity.

sense your importance and
give to it complete and
without abandon, adjust for tranquility.

Love and understanding

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Muse 3

breath, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Funny how looking back at some of my writing, i was literally urging myself
to release the constraints of things that were holding me back in life...It is really fascinating to read old entries and see where we were and where we have been and where we are.  All of it leading to this moment of today and now and without that, there would be no ground to stand on.  All the things that were difficult and sad, and disappointing and surprising....all the amazing life lessons that, at the time, we can't figure out.  But as Steve Jobs once said in a commencement speech to Stanford grads..."We cannot connect the dots looking forward, we can only connect them looking back."

so true.

Another one written March of 2001...

beyond the fence lies the unknown.
there is a world outside of this one.
it lives and breathes regardless.
peek over the fence and smell the 
breeze of simplicity and fullness.
touch the grass and give thanks 
for the cool green flavor on your 
toes and in between.

clamor over the fence and run
as fast as ever possible in this life
and take flight in the possibilities 
around you.
fly higher than ever before and don't come back. 
don't look back from whence we came
for the fence has fallen
and there are no boundaries.


love and understanding.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Muse 2

stone, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

something i wrote in March of 2001
I believe I was trying to find my creative muse...The war of art possibly...

an army of angels sent from above
to fight and protect with silver
and gold. shields pounded from decades
of battle with clubs, and axes, and
brutal destruction. MIrror to each other
in the line of defense fearless and
steadfast standing across the dark
gaping chasms of life's terrors.
Each angel bigger than the last
with hard faces and burning black
eyes like steel talismans dropeed in
the crystal clear veins of water that
reflect the sheer brightness of the mid day
sun. fire shooting through the solid
ground they stand at the ready in
the warm wind and hot dust, silent
and strong. They wait to do battle for
me. I am their leader out front facing
the enemy and at my command we
charge without a sound, but swift like
a shooting star in the deep night.

Rally the troops i say...
Love and understanding.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

My Friend

the shake, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Each year during the month of October I realize that I miss something more than usual...Marco, my dog who blessed me for only 5 short years in my life passed away October 5 1995...yes, quite some time ago, but to this day I can still see him and hear him...He is one of my muses in this life. He has his place behind me in the studio. So for the next few days I am going to dedicate my blog to him and to the Muse.

The Muse we all have, want , need...Marco is and was one of my Muses and to him I owe my sanity at a time in my life that was not easy.

For Marco the Muse:

I still miss him.
He was my life
and kept me free.
I loved him.

The eyes of trust
have never been

The laughter never greater.

He is inside me,
my soul and my heart.
His breathe will never

I have been touched
by him.
To touch him now
would set me free.

love and understanding.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

random musings of a caffeine addict

canteen, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

this morning I awoke to the sunshine of high altitude outside my bedroom window, with the creek still flowing and the light of yellow and orange leaves bouncing from the trees. a quiet morning i sense. waking from a sleep that was deep and restful and warm. I dreamt of a place that is what you want it to be...not what others want it to be. where people stop and take a moment to understand things they don't understand instead of attacking with a judgement or a fear. where performers can dance at night with pinwheels and white high heel shoes, with socks made of plaid that come up to the knees, and a man can lie down on the ground with his ear to the speaker and feel safe for a moment. a place where we can look people in the eye and sense the history so we may better understand their current plight and why they see things and how.

that life is moving through us without stopping and waiting, like a river flowing, and if we are standing at the bank or if we are not standing at the bank, it is flowing...not waiting for us to watch or listen or sink or swim...it is in the business of flowing and will not wait to make sure we are there. and if we are making plans to map the river inside thinking we will now its path, the river will overflow and divert at the exact moment of our perfect understanding...and it will no longer flow how we remembered.

as a leaf falling to the ground on a windy day with a breathe of cool air and a soft quiet path downward...only weeks before it was green and vibrant and alive, not knowing it would end up on the ground in a dry and comforting crunch that is our sole as we walk through and smell the sweet decay of fall.

carry the weight within and breathe
bury the pointless ramblings of madmen who say we should be
give away the things that don't give back
stand by the edge of the water and listen
walk to the edge of the cliff and live

believe in the power of superheroes.

(i'll have another cup)

love and understanding

Thursday, October 16, 2008


port, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

well, my sister turned 31 years old last week...Taylor came for a visit and we had a great dinner at a restaurant in Boulder called Mateos...this place is so great...the glasses, the food, the people that work their...the ambiance...and only 3 blocks from home. Taylor had a HUGE steak and we all drank our fill and ate a ton...i can't believe my little sister is 31.

it really does make the time seem like a moment. Now that we are both in our 30's, there is a different feeling i think. One of understanding and mutual respect that has always been there, but on a different level now. She is her own person and finding her way and learning all the things that we learn from our late 20's to our 30's. Mainly finding out that there is a ton of bullshit that we have to wade through to get to ourselves, but once we do things become clearer. As if a window is opened and fresh air is pumped in and the sky clears and you say..."oh, i didn't know that tree was there."...

Yet, this is such an endless cycle of finding out more and more about ourselves, because i am sure at 40 what we knew at 30 will be mind boggling and so on. Strange how it all works...kind of like a reverse waterfall.

when we are young, time goes by much slower because we have no reference of the time and our experiences are huge and full of new things constantly. And then, as we get a bit older, we notice the summers start to go faster and we sometimes get bored. Then we enter our 20's and we know everything and we have no concept of up or down, right or wrong, time...and then it hits....WHAM...we turn 30 and realize that time is flying by, we are getting older and yes, seemingly a bit wiser...and i imagine as we age we feel a bit wiser and more understanding and time keeps going faster and we keep feeling wiser...like we are going backwards into the calm pool before the waterfall...we started in the turmoil, the pools the eddies and work our way back up to the calm waters where we can look over and know that it is a long drop, but happy that we made it and can sit knowing what we know now. Still learning, experiencing and having fun, but in a more understanding calm way.

When we realize that we can be our own person, and live our life, that is when it gets good...taking care of ourselves so that we can be open to receiving the others all around.

So to my sister, Happy Birthday Taylor. I know this year will be a magical one full of amazing surprises and wonderful learning and when you fall, and you will, you will get back up quicker because you can.

love and understanding.

Monday, October 13, 2008

off days

jump, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

some days are just off...like this morning, I feel no bueno. I think i may have a stomach virus, but hey, it is sunny out and warm again so i'll just sit home and relax and take a day to recoop.

I have really felt connected lately to people i have been meeting. Other artists, athletes, couples...a sense of awarness and the desire to surround oneself with other people that are full of creativity, opinions, interesting stories and life experiences. I feel so fortunate to be awake in my life these days so that i am open to each moment.

That, i think, is one of the challenges we face on a daily basis...how to stay open and alert and really take note of our surroundings and what is being said. Treating each person with a fair introduction that is not biased based on what they look like or what they might be wearing or what you may have perceived them as. I find my mindset is different these days as I take my title as artist and photographer into each room..it allows me to step back and observe, and I really feel good about the strength that it gives when you honestly say to someone that you are what you are...artist, musician, writer, chef...whatever it may be....it grounds us from a real place.

I also think that knowing from a place within, and not waiting for others to tell you what you are, is the key...then we are rooted in ourselves and not dependent on what someone else may give or not give...the attitude that we are all in it together and we each bring the unique differences of ourselves to the table and that is that.

I used to not enjoy "networking" or going to social events where I didn't know anyone..maybe because I wasn't sure of myself...now, i relish in the next opportunity to meet one more person who can teach me something about this life.

love and understanding

Sunday, October 12, 2008

steel braid

steel braid, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I always liked to color...when I was a kid. I remember a full set of Pentel coloring pens. They were in a plastic yellow folder with a strap the held it closed and black writing on the front, and upon opening it, the rainbow of pens would meet your eyes. I also had numerous coloring books, but my favorite was the dungeon and dragon types. The ones with dragons, knights, battles, wizards, and castles. I may have even had some that were Lord of the Ring specials, point being, i loved to create that world in my own color. I would spend hours coloring in those books on my belly on the floor, many times right next to my best friend Gus and we would talk about the world we were creating or we'd simply not say anything for hours.

My coloring style was not simply filling in the space. No. It was a careful dissection of each moment and part and shape. I would outline the particular spot to be colored and then i would color it in by adding a vertical or horizontal line, followed by another until that space was filled....i guess one could say, i colored within the lines...a very slow and careful process that i loved to do.

I woke up thinking about this today and wondering what I still do like that, and then I realized i do almost everything that way...slowly and deliberately with great care and attention to detail. My brain just works well that way...a focused and designed practice of all things. Granted, sometimes, it slows me down and I don't finish things completely, but at the same time, i realize that my mind works the same way no matter what it is i am doing.

that is a blessing as I grow older because i can start to draw parallels to things that I love to do and how i love to do them...i simply go back to how i worked things out as a kid...how my imagination put me in the moment and the world and the task in front of me....except now, i get to be wise about it...you know, a great teacher always tells us to forget it all and start fresh as if we don't know. That is the place of trust within ourselves...to realize that we have been practicing all our lives and learning and now we get to leave it all behind in a great act of freedom and creativity, because we have it all in our bones and in our minds and in our hearts. Now we can trust that our blood will drive our energy towards something that we always had inside us while forgetting all technique....

closing our eyes with wild abandon and jumping, because we already know we can fly. We have been flying already....

Love and understanding.

Saturday, October 11, 2008


triumph 3, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

i cleaned out my garage today...there wasn't a motorcycle in it for the first time in a while...and there was a small empty space, but it was ok...for now at least, because today was the first day of winter, as far as I am concerned. Cold, rainy, cozy...i am sitting by the fire now in our cozy place feeling content from a day gone by that was full of...well, not much of anything, which was just perfect. the morning was filled with dressing warm and walking to coffee and the day was filled with the transition that happens from summer to winter...the first ever for me. I spent time taking out the ski gear and clothes that have been stored away for the summer and putting away the things that we won't use as much during the winter. It was really fun..kind of like being a bear or a squirrel..you know, storing up for the winter and such.

I have had time to process my recent artistic triumph and it is so nice to feel complete by really doing...not just saying, but doing...and reaping the benefits and satisfaction of working hard and being focused. At the same time I had this feeling today of being overwhelmed with things to do...i dont' know why, just a general feeling of not having enough time. After a few hours though, it went away and I settled into my down time and my acceptance that all is right for today. the sound of the fire, the crisp smokey air that wafts through your cold nose as you first walk outside, the taste of the salty sweet margarita, the dark redness of the wine i drink, the smooth earthy coffee, the meat of an olive, the moment of sleep right before you fall all the way down.

I am looking forward to the days that are spent inside, due to the cold outside, knowing that it gives us time to slow down and go inside ourselves. The winter is the way mother earth tells us to be quiet, to rest, to take solace in the creative process of hibernation. I relish the idea that i am a part of winter and can't wait for the first snow.

right now I shall eat cheese and olives and drink wine and imagine myself as a king in his castle.

love and understanding

Thursday, October 9, 2008

the show

ok..today has been amazing...I got a call later today from the Boulder County Arts Alliance...the one i applied for to get a show this year with my photography....well...i got it...it will be a show that will hang from April 09-June 09 at the McGuckins Design Center!!!  A high end design show case where people can come and work with high end kitchens etc...my pictures!!!!!  and..the Public Library might want them too!!! so...on a day, where things line up and things happen because we make them happen...i am beside myself and proud for doing....just for doing...and as one of my teachers taught me...you can't wait for your ship to come in if you never send any ships out...that is the truth.  So now, i embark on more of a artist journey...wow....thank you thank you....

i have been so inspired by those around me who are artists and really doing it...Swirly, Gus Harper, Nita, my mom...those who are making things happen.  My dad always taught me that you can do anything...this is all part of the grand picture.   No pun intended.

I will keep you posted....Buy some pictures soon...they might be going up in price!

love and understanding.


well...off to the right is a link to my first published photograph..which is for Schmap.com
granted a small thumbnail, but hey!!! cool!!
it is a shot of Hapa Sushi's sign in Boulder on the mall...

i am big time now.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008


down n spout, originally uploaded by boxersiciliano.

this is one of those mornings where i feel like I could start writing and never stop. Like I could tell the story of the world and the war and the death and the killing and the love and the life and the triumphs...of the Great Depression, the Eiffel Tower being built, the long boat ride over the Atlantic made by our great grandparents...the space shuttle blowing up the death of Vincent Van Gogh....the death of a man who shot himself in the cornfield and only had one ear left and was poor and spoiled and love lorn....one of our masters...one of the greats...for some reason i always come back to Vincent...i don't know why, but I feel him as a tribe member...not that i want to cut my ear off and blow my head off in a field...no, but i feel he is a brother in arms...a soldier, a man who would not rest or could not. today is one of those mornings where I can't decide what i should do...do I pay my taxes (finally)? Do i take pictures? do i write? do I clean the house? Do i curl up in a small ball on the bathroom floor in a fetal position and pee and poop and cry and throw up and feel sorry for myself?

Or do I meet the resistance head on in battle and run at it with my whole being and with my teeth gnashing and grinding and screaming a warrior's death roar...my mind clear and focused and all things in slow motion...just runnning...not hearing, not having anymore fear. The fear has gone in the initial headlong rush towards my destiny of war and knowing that I may not survive means that i no longer have anything to lose so my fear has become power and violent purpose and clarity...the drops of mud...i can feel each one as if magnified 100 times as they hit my face, the squish of my feet in my boots, the hair on my head, the sweat and the smell of my own being as I drive forward...nothing to strong, or frightening...nothing to tell me that I will not cross to the other side and kill anything that gets in my way...I am a warrior now and i will see the world as my battleground...this is my life today...this morning.

I awoke feeling frightened and small and unsure and not ok with anything that I was doing other than the immediate moments of love around me...my wife to be, our house, the knowledge that i am safe, the desire to be good...but beyond that, I had nothing this morning to tell me I would make it through the day....just another beginning as if i had just come out of the womb.

The difference being this...each day as we awake and are fortunate enough to be reborn in this world we can look at our time line as if we are babies..but only for a minute..as we get out of bed we age and by the time we are drinking our first cup of coffee we are adolescent and then...it happens...our wisdom and love and life take over and we are jarred into the reality that our ability to learn so fast has given us super powers...powers to be artists, men, women, people...tribemembers...

it all makes sense at that moment. we are thrust into our world each day with a purpose...that purpose of our own being, what we were created for and all of us...everyone of us...I don't care who it is, wakes up the same way...some of us have a stronger understanding of our momentary purpose in this life than others...but we are all there.

I have a day off today, right in the middle of the week, which is always weird, but wonderful...weird because I am thrust into nothingness...an opportunity to do whatever i want before I go back to work the next day...sometimes that day is hard because i don't know what to take care of first. that is why i feel the way i do today...but then the moment is there to realize that I am blessed with a day to tackle my life however i want to...like right now....i get to write and play and eat a bagel in a coffee shop during a day where the air is perfect and cool and the mountains are humming and I am strapped for the journey.

I awoke feeling full...not like a turkey dinner full...like a bursting full...like the moment before a horse race. Those powerful animals, stuck in a small metal box with a small man on top and the tunnel vision of funktionlust in front of them....funktionlust...the german word that basically means...."to do what one is perfectly designed to do"....that horse in that moment will experience it's purpose...to run as fast as it can...now one would argue..yes but they have a little man on them...who cares....that horse is just using that as an excuse at the moment...he is so primed and ready to burst out of the box that every muscle is like a spring...like a bomb waiting to go off....
that is how i feel today...like a bomb waiting to go off...ok...maybe more like a horse...but still....

think about this phrase...."what we were designed to do"...a cheetah is another amazing example of this....at the moment when they hit 80 mph, they are experiencing Funkionlust...and if you look closely, you might just see them smiling....it is that moment when you hit your stride and realize all is perfectly designed.....

where do i stop today??? i don't know...i have had this feeling before...backstage getting ready to open a show...the moment of shooting out of the gate in a perfect motion of body and mind. Or riding my bike up a mountain...or riding my motorcycle...or boxing, or taking pictures or writing...holy shit...i am having funktionlust right now as i write...i am actually running 80 mph with a smile on my face.

This weekend I had my first photo show...well, it was quite an experience...not unlike my first play i suppose, although it was more nervous and self aware than i had ever been previous...my art was on the wall...for everyone to laugh at...or do whatever they wanted...then i remembered the moment of resistance...the battle i had waged to get there...the love i had for my work...i was proud and bloody and tired and scared and free....at that moment it all became clear...i had won...i had officially qualified as an artist...in my own world...

of course, i had those around me who love and support me and encouraged me...Nita, my mom, dad, Swirly, Gus (go to youtube and watch) Taylor, you name it...all of them...and all of those who i come in contact with during my day. the strength to fight...the bravery needed to withstand the violent stabbings of blades long and sharp...am i violent today??? yes...why?

because war is a violent and dangerous place. being a warrior is not about being soft and polite...at least when the time is right...being a warrior is about strength and self respect...about patience and knowledge, about planning, about steel springs, about belief that you will vanquish your enemy, about death, about moving through...about life...

so I say for today, i will stand and fight hard and long and at the end of the day I will be bloodied from my victory...i will not take it for granted that I am powerful and steadfast. I will not forget my place and who i am and how i got there and who is my family and my friend...i will not give into the resistance of the dark forces that permeate the earth and the world...i will not hear the voice inside me that tricks and treats...

I will stand on the mountain, facing the rising sun and the breathe of my world will be deep and quiet and i will look across the earth and smell the depth of my spirit warrior and I will be still....in the box...waiting to spring and run and breathe and grunt and dive and yell...i will be a horse...i will live in my funktionlust and run and run and run.....you can't catch me....

love and understanding