wow...so it has been a while since i have written and I am convinced it is due to the winter of discontent...well not really so much, but I do feel that this deep freeze winter is contributing to my lack of wanting to do much of anything. Oh and the fact that I have somehow managed to create a work schedule that is consuming my every moment, which will for sure have to change sooner than later, and not to mention i just feel lazy.
The holidays were fantastic and full of family and friends and great parties and the New Year was rung in very nicely and my wife just had her 29th birthday and we have to move again...all of this seems to be overwhelming at first when i think of it, but the reality is that all of it is the amazing full journey that we are moving through and getting to experience with grace and mercy as my mom would say.
As I have lately felt my creative juices simmering on low, it has been a time of reflection and wonder at where I am and where we might be going in life. All things possible and available and all things ready for the taking....it is the moment of decision and commitment of course that is in suspended animation at this moment that makes it seem so far off. I guess the fact that it is 6 degrees out doesn't help much either these days. I have come to the conclusion that as much as I like the snow and the idea of winter, i am not a winter person...i grew up in Southern California and no matter how long i spend here, or how much i try and rationalize winter, it just isn't a fit for me....I went through this in Oregon in the rain too...months of rain and dreary weather did not do so well for me. At least in Boulder, there is alot more sun, but it is a lifestyle change that I don't think i'll ever fully feel ok about. I am not saying that the weather is perfect and always warm back home, but there is for sure a different feel that seems normal to me. This business of constantly being cold, shoveling snow, cleaning the crap off the car, putting on layers of clothes, not being able to just go outside, and spending too much time inside just is not my bag baby.
I don't want to come across like I am complaining...i am simply having a dialogue with myself, and anyone who will read this, about the fact that I feel a certain way and I acknowledge why that might be...
It is kind of like being a sports car made for going fast, and all that ever happens is some old fart drives it slow for a block to work every day...wouldn't you be a little frustrated if you were that car?
Thats all i'm saying.
so for now, I know that this is all temporary and seasons will change and our lives will change too, but realizing the facts can sometimes make us feel better.
happy new year
Love and Understanding.
Monday, January 11, 2010
winter, 2010 and other musings
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5 comments:
Happy New Year.
I totally get this and feel as though our small and unforseen bought of Southern winter has brought on similar feelings. I often find myself wondering how people of colder climates manage an entire season...how did I do it for 20 some years? I just keep telling myself the discontent can only take up so much space...I have to leave room for the coming Spring.
Stay warm :)
Justn
So wonderful to read your blog again, Your musings made me think of a Rumi poem that I love:
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
The divine may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Bowing,
Mom
oh justin, how i feel what you say. i had too many years of florida and california and the tension that i feel with the snow and ice and cold keeps all things at minimum. i long from spring for the month of may and pray that i will be able to cherish the winter at that time like i can't presently. i am so glad for your new year's eve party as that was the highlight of the season. thank you mr. and mrs. davanzo for your wonderful hospitality.
JD - Hang in there, my man.
And send me that thing you mentioned.
I won't stand for any uppity Boulderites messing with my Davanzo clan.
your musings brought to light exactly the thoughts I had without realizing it: "the idea of winter and cold..." i suppose the grass always SEEMS greener on the other side-or in our heads. Living it is an entirely different beast. S. CA definitely has it's drawbacks though....even the weather. The falsities of "sunny" year round gets kind of mundane too...
Hang in there! Nice to see I'm not the only one getting antsy in the cold.... :)
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