all of this talk and worry about where we are going, where we should be, what we want to do and don't want to do...makes me anxious...you ever get that feeling that you could land on the moon, but then you get freaked because you really could???
this i mean towards our success in art and life. sometimes that feeling of reaching out and creating or doing to great success scares us and stops us. I go through it every day..today...it is the feeling of all the things we "have" to do to get there...the idea that our journey will be arduous and long...ok fine...so what if it is?
I struggle with this on a daily basis as I strive to balance a "job" and to not lose site of my creativity in the world. What if??
What if we chose to drop all the "normal" things we need to do? I don't know if it would be any easier. I think the main thing to remember is to keep it simple....like a bowl of olives.
To me, olives are simple, yet each one completely different. but when I sit and eat olives i love every bite. So, today, I will try and eat olives in my creative life...i will enjoy all of my creativity and not worry about the size the shapes and the colors...they are all part of my world and every time I do any of them i am happy.
keeping it simple and creating little by little...
Love and Understanding.
Originally this was about my Escape...but these days, this is about the way of the world..the things that cross my mind, and maybe yours..the creative battles and truimphs and losses...it is about love and understanding of ourselves first and others second...it is about doing what we love and being afraid to try...and then trying...I am blessed with the readers on this blog and my family and loves and my friends....thank you..
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Simple
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
We could all learn
ok..so I am riding up the lift with one of my little students the other day...5 years old to be exact..and we've been skiing for almost 5 hours..yes...I have been hanging with 6 kids, all boys, all 6 except one...the young one...they all take turns riding with me at some point so I can talk to them and make them all feel like they've had a chance to hang out with the teacher. Some of you know this already because you have kids, but for those of us who don't it is a strange world at times...riding the lift with them and chatting about things that are totally awesome...like Starwars and such..no boring, "what do you do" crap..no this is good stuff...
so here we are...it is a sunny day and quiet and we're riding up and i turn to him and ask..."What was your favorite run so far?"
he replies...
"This one."
this one...simple as that..he said it and when he did it took me a second to comprehend it...i almost had to do a double take to make sure i read him right....
"This one". not anything before it or in the future..the one we are on right now...the moment we are in...he had already forgotten the previous runs and was concentrating on this one...if that didn't wake me up and make me feel like an ass...man.
what a wise thing to say...he didn't flinch for a moment or think or ask another question..he just came right out with that piece of wisdom for my adult mind to wrap around...
And so we skiied another run together...the 7 of us in a big snake all the way down the mountain, shouting and laughing and falling and concentrating and having the time of our lives....for the moment, because of course, it will be forgotten on the next one because that will be the most favorite....
take that one to the bank..
the wisdom of a young child.
Love and Understanding
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
historical
well..of course on this day I feel compelled to write something very wise and purposeful and witty and full of postivie and exciting fist pumping witicisms, but really, there isn't much that i can say that hasn't been said already...and so I won't.
there are things in this life that happen on a daily basis that seem to not get noticed and things that don't happen too often that do get noticed, and there are things we want to happen and to be noticed, but in the end, life just goes on...it goes forward and on a day of history, life is continuing in all of its tiny facets and details and humdrums and amazement...because that is the way it is...of course i am happy for today and seeing the Village Idiot take off for the last time in his plane made me feel good, but also a little bad for the man...just a slight feeling of compassion...for someone who may not have really known better...i don't know...like a kid who just could never quite cut it on the playground...i suppose it is my soft side in the whole "human" being thing...but in the end, we are faced with a new prospect of hope and possibility...i just hope we can stay grounded and realize that this will not be a quick fix...we'll have to go to the gym alot and work out and diet and save money...(for lack of better analogies) Our new president is not a miracle cure...
i said I wouldn't say anything.
ok fine.
as I sit in my cube and ponder the world ready to eat a Lean Cuisine for dinner so I can save some money and be happy...i can't help but wonder what tomorrow will bring...the world is in a delicate balance these days and the tipping point is not far off..i only hope in the right direction.
here is to a new president...
hip hip hooray
hip hip hooray
hip hip hooray
Love and Understanding
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
the big house...er, little house
ok..not really, but this picture makes me laugh...for a few reasons...for those of you faint of heart and not able to cope with poo poo stop reading....
I spent a good 8 years of my life in the construction industry almost on a daily basis and you guessed it....that equals a bit of time spent in the Gump, the Blue Room, Office, Hot Shed, Crapper, Stone Thrower, The Hole, Shitter....The Outhouse (DUH DA DUH...music cue) Ok...so there it is...Now, there is a whole philosophy and practice behind this contraption that some of you may not know about, care to know about or understand, but believe me, when you are on the job at 6am and that first cup of coffee has gone through you and all around is dirt and wood...well, you have no choice...now if i were camping, fine, dig a hole, but come on, this is uncivilized behavior and you wouldn't want to get fired for crapping in a whole and having the little neighbor kid see you. (story for another time)
So you learn...you cope...you hold your breathe...but after a while you have to master this...and let me tell you...i did. In the beginning I was only a ditch digger and I had no priority status so those times were horrid and scary and downright shitty. But, as my time in the business was put in, i eventually made it to the top of the pooping, er, pecking order...I was now the supervisor, the jeffe, the boss man, the guy who could show up and time it just right at one of the 8 jobsites around town....me..the top crapper....but let me tell you how this works.
Imagine if you will, a jobsite with 40 guys a day (i've had upwards of 100 a day) I shit you not....(ok, fine, this will be full of puns...) 40 grown men, who often eat things off bad little trucks called Roach Coaches, and drink beer and don't really have the best hygene standards to begin with...ok...that is on average, 40 ummm....gifts a day in the Hot Box....why is it called the Hot Box you ask? try sitting in that thing when it is 85 degrees out...you'll understand...not unlike a sweat lodge...only hellish and full of flys....(i just threw up in my mouth a little)...ok...so starting to get the picture..now, multiply that by 3 days at a minimum because that is usually the time it takes for the Honey Sucker to come and clean it out...which by the way, if you ever complain about your job, think about that guy...he drives around all day in a shit truck and cleans out crappers all day long with a big hose, tall rubber boots, a big brush and a hose...yeah...and don't stand within 100 yards down wind while he's doing it or you'll pass out from the smell....Have I lost a few readers yet? ( i can't believe I have stooped this low on my blog...it always comes back to this..maybe from the monkey blog yesterday...yeah...it had to lead to poop) ok...so...3 days in, 40 guys a day...a mountain of.......a mountain. what in god's name do you do???
you see?? this is not just a matter of going to the bathroom, this is a strategy of survival and hierarchy and smart decisions...not unlike life...you thought this was just a crap story...this is the ultimate analogy for life...so hang in there...
So having reached the pinnacle of my career in the outhouse world i'll fill you in on some key points in surviving this horrible experience..and you'll be amazed at the possibilities...some of this may seem obvious, but through years of trial and error, i am about to share some very important tips....but first, lets discuss the actual Andy Gump itself and the thought that has gone into it.
The Andy Gump is synonymous with other names i have seen...The Throne, The Port -o Potty ( a sweet and very misleading name) there are many companies out there who have capitalized on the basic human need for a bathroom break...some are so fancy these days that I wish i had one right out back...a sink with water, a pump soap dispenser, mirror, some fragrant aroma dispenser etc..but those are far and few in between and frankly, not for the real working man/woman. No, I am refering to the lightweight (possible designed by NASA Plastic), mobile, easily washable, simply outfitted, and single purposed Andy Gump....Walk in and to the left usually a good supply of sanitary seat protectors (key to some of the most important elements of this process, not just to protect your bum)...look up and you'll see the screens that keep the airflow (and I say that loosely) somewhat stable and the vent out the top...who thought of that and how long did it take to figure it out...it helps...not much but enough...ok...now, if you are lucky this will be blessed with a hand sanitizer, but don't get pushy. Now, often it is stocked with two rolls, but again, don't make a rookie mistake here and assume...more on that later...the sliding lock is very stable and the hard plastic all around you is strong enough to withstand multiple rock and foreign missle attacks from surrounding hostile workers who have just seen you step inside and have been waiting to launch their barage of RPG's at the sides and fronts of your new home...scares the shit right out of you if you aren't expecting it...hell, even if you know its coming..and don't forget the pleasant urinal to your right, often filled with god knows what...a sanitary pancake, toilet paper, tobacco spit, cigarette butts, and things that resemble oysters...gag.
Now, this is also a chance to reflect on the different personalities of some of the workers who, for some reason, can't go in there without a large colored pen to write out there true feelings, or better yet, illustrate the inside with pornographic pictures, the likes you have never seen. The funny thing is, most of the time, the spelling and grammer is more fun than the actual crude remarks...but remember, these are YOUR co workers/employees...pooping and writing and laughing to themselves as they do it...it is also a favorite hang out for dope smokers who, gee, think that no one will notice the pungent aroma of shit and weed wafting from the chimney pipe...yes...i have fired a few workers for this...dumbshits...
Simple and purposeful this little poo hut, and quite cozy in a rain storm...the rain on the plastic roof....but i digress...let's get down to buisness...
The Act:
I am going to jump right into the advanced use and hierarchical method of shitting in the Gump. I will let you into a world few have ever thought about or experienced with such detail...here it goes.
I am the job site supervisor...the king of the roost, the man who makes the decisions or doesn't...I am the general of the army of men who work here day in and day out. I have ordered my Honey Sucker to come 2 times a week...that means on Monday morning we have a fresh Gump and generally on Thursday morning, although that may lead into the afternoon as well. I plan ahead. If i have 20 men a day minimum, i clean twice a week...if if have over 50, i may have two of these bad boys, but for now, we assume one with...oh lets say, 35 men...not too bad really. The day is chilly...a cool 45 degrees and a bit damp. I have just arrived at 6:30 am and I have my coffee in hand. Now, I must time this right before the heat and the masses arrive, but I must also be sharp in the morning because without my orders, these guys may not get going properly...you know...motivational needs. So I do a quick walk around, make sure they are all showing up and within the hour I am ready for the journey i came to enjoy..yes you heard me...the one place no one can find me (well..most of the time)....the place where i can be peaceful and mindful for a bit....you laugh...you cringe...man up.
I grab my reading material and my jacket...remember, it is cold plastic you are about to put your warm ass on....now, i know the truck has been here so i am approaching what i like to term as "Blue Water"...sounds like a horror movie...no, this is the phenomenon that only happens twice a week...a completely empty pot of Blue Water beneath you...now you may say, what is so bad about that??? well I will tell you...at this stage in the game you are dealing not so much with vast amounts of...ahem, you are dealing with a completely different animal all together....an empty bucket that you are about to drop a large, um, rock into from two to three feet up....the dreaded SPALSHBACK!!! Quite possibly the worst feeling ever and it will only take one time for that to happen and you will learn quickly, but I am going to help you avoid that error all together....
step inside...it is chilly and the water used by the Honey Sucker is freshly coating the inside of the Gump....clean...the urinal is actually empty and a fresh pancake is sitting there waiting to do its job...the seat is down but wet...the paper is stocked...now remember i mentioned earlier the rookie mistake? I say this once...NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE FORGET TO CHECK YOUR TP STATUS...if you get stuck in there and realize after the fact that you have two sheets left you are screwed and quite possibly will never recover from the hell you have just put yourself into...hence the newspaper comes in handy as "reading material" but as you see, can be used in a complete blunder of poop etiquette...please...look before you leap.
ok...TP stocked..grab a handful and dry off the black rimmed seat infront of you..don't linger too long by gazing into the deep dark blue...it will conjur up horrifying animals that live there and want to crawl up your ass as you shit...look away...dry off the seat. This next step is key...turn to your left and grab two to three of the sanitary seat covers...open them up and gingerly drop them into the water...try and get the to land flat and cover the water below...do this...do not question me...do this until it is a thin film of tissue below...now, grab the last one and cover the seat...this is more for the cold than anything, but can't hurt...remember, studies have shown that the cleanest spot in a bathroom is the seat...asses tend to stay fairly clean...just don't sit in the pee. now...you are prepared...turn and drop trough...ok...here is the splash back i have been talking about...since you have followed my instructions you will succeed...your barage (whatever it may be for that morning...) will be encapsulated and caught like a softball in a nicely oiled well worn mit and the splashback will be eliminated by your carefully placed tissue....you have now passed the moment of dread...this is where i actually like to settle in...take your time...read your paper..listen for people sneaking up on your peaceful moment...check your phone...hell, make a call...i used to...this is your time...you have worked hard, planned and executed perfectly....The rest of this is as usual...wipe your ass and walk out with your head held high...don't flinch at this moment or they will see your weekness. There is mythical power in the Gump poop...they see you go in and spend too little time they will not respect you...they see you go in and take your time they will be slightly horrified and very respectful of your power...you can even turn around and give the Hot House a couple shoves to "flush"...figure it out..
You are done...you have made it through another day...now...remember, this is just one scenario of skillfully surviving the Gump...remember as the days go on, that blue water gets thick and the splash back is exponentially more dangerous than ever before...the only thing more dangerous than the shit splash is the poo mountain...but by then you have failed as a general...you have overloaded your Gump and your men will all be after your head...I won't go into the details of how to deal with the Poo Mountain...just don't.
If you have read this entire thing than you are a strong and brave being...and you may at this point be wondering my mention of the best analogy for life out of this learning...
Here it is.....
Before you shit in blue water, slow down, prepare, think, read, and walk with your head high...because people know you shit, but they don't know how well you deal with it...such as life...don't let all the shit scare you off...if you are careful you'll never be dealt a load of shit you can't handle.
Love and Understanding
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
yesterday
it snowed a ton...like 6 inches in the morning hours, and it left a beautiful sparkling day outside. I was inside, after a great weekend of skiing in Winter Park, working with the remaining remnants of paying some taxes...boy is that fun. Some of you may be saying, wow!, that guy already paid his taxes!!...no, this was from 07...so there...I have never gotten over this tax thing..not the fact that I have to pay them, although that sucks too, but the fact that it some how qualifies me as a responsible and boring grown up...taxes...like I asked for that responsibility...I'd be happy to not grow up you know and never have that responsibility, but alas, it is there...among other things, like, rent, and groceries, and a job, and getting up in the morning because you have to, not because you want to...you know, grown up things...
Ok, this sounds like a bitch session...it is not. I am simply calling a spade a spade (see how adult that sounded?)..no really, I am just laughing at the fact that for all of us grown ups in collective conscious around the world, we sure act like a bunch of retarded monkeys...(not PC?? too bad) i mean it...these days what the F? Look around..not only do I see it next to me on the street, look at the state of our world..a bunch of kids who grew up and think they know what they're doing...and it doesn' matter where they are..Israel, Gaza, Iraq, Texas, DC, California...around the globe we all started off with imagination and wonder, and then what??
I read some postings on a website the other day regarding a news story in the daily paper here and I was simply shocked at the time and energy put into making "comments" about the issue and how quickly those comments turn into the most ridiculous waste of time, purpose and frankly, sounds less intelligent than..you guessed it...Retarded Monkeys...ooops, there I go again...
So we "grow up" and suddenly we don't care anymore and say what we want and bully others and live in fear and create horrible situations for fellow souls and take what we want and become tyrannical soarass dumbies. (pun was there...) am i annoyed today?? not really...ok a little, but more dismayed in general at our state of being in the world...and of course I am not one to escape it myself all the time...i have been known to act like a Retarded Monkey too...I mean who am i kidding? i think we may have inherited that gene from our primate brothers, although they seem to deal with it better...ok so they throw feces...ooops...so do we...
really, what is our problem? who do we think we are? Next time you are out today, just watch the retarded monkeys all around..then have a bit of patience for them because they know not what they do and then you can look at your own behavior and make the adjustment so that the monkeys who are not so...well, retarded, see you and maybe mimic your actions...thus causing a chain reaction of calm grooming and playful activity in the trees...
aright..i know this is sort of a dream state of lame musings and all, but in the grand scheme of things...don't grow up...grow down...stop trying to be so important and a know it all and a cry baby and a tattletale and start taking some child like responsibility...i'll start with a real simple one....SHARING...oh my gosh. remember that one??? yeah...or how about.....DON'T BITE....even better...NAP TIME.
alright...now, i am going to drink my, ahem, Coffee (damn, that is so grown up) and calmly be creative the rest of the morning, before i go to work and deal with more...ummm...Monkeys...
Love and Understanding
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
today
as time is floating, or rather, flying, by...things seem to blend together sometimes. like the moments that define our lives and give us perspective..like birthdays. Nita is 28 years old today.
Happy Birthday!!!
It is a wonder how the perspective of age changes each year...the magic number of certain birthdays. 16, 21, 30...i am fast approaching 40...but the perspective of those years starts to make a bit more sense and I can remember myself as a 28 year old...vastly confused, unsure, jumpy, quick to change things up, not too smart...and then i look at Nita, and I feel like she is so put together already at 28...i love being down the road a bit and watching her walk down the road...finding her way and being her own person. it is all a journey and we must not worry too much about the "age" we are...because at some point we will look back and giggle a bit i think at our ages...to me, 28 seems like a long time ago, yet it also is fresh in my mind and i feel lucky to celebrate that today with Nita...I think the years add spice and layers and i do truly believe we are like wine...
so happy birthday my love.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
2009
it is here...just like that...the 09...the zero nueve, the zeronine, the year before twentyten...the new year...it always seems so surreal that suddenly it is a new year and seemingly we get a fresh start, which i like...in many ways it is one of the few ways we, as a collective society, agree on something..all around the world we are acknowledging a new start, so why couldn't this trickle down to other things? strange really....i think it is a simple statement that all of us on this planet believe that we can have a better chance for this year, a new start a new plan....many of us feel that 2009 will be one to remember, for many reasons i am sure. I think in history it will for sure be one of those times we look back on and realize that we again were able to make changes and deal with adversity in our lives. I always feel a bit off track on the New Year, only because i have never really gone wild for it, but this year is different for me. There are truly things in my life that have changed and will change within this next year of which I am thankful for and excited for. I feel blessed to have entered this year with so much love and support around me and for that I am thankful.
this morning, i have a slight head ache, not from drinking too much, but from staying up till 3 i think...it is a quiet day here in Boulder...i don't really want to go into all the things that have passed this year at this moment...i think i just want to drink some more coffee and send love to all of you for the first time this year. So there. ...nothing too profound other than, enjoy the moments we all have together.
Happy New Year my friends and family and my tribe....may it be full of all your wildest imagination, bravery, silliness and love.
love and understanding....2009