Landing

It's the getting back down to reality after a long trip that is the hard part...being on the road for so long you forget what the every day worries and stresses are no matter how small and the arrival back into the uncertainty is sometimes more difficult than expected.  After being in a state of constant wonder and movement, simplicity and peace, no concept of time and the pure element of existence, I find myself brought down hard to earth.  I suppose it is a normal reaction to an escape...I feel silly even feeling this way, but it is a closure to a journey that was utterly amazing and fantastic and alive.  I can't help but think only about the next journey and wonder how to exist in between....

 All of this of course is part of the natural ebb and flow of adventure.  We go to escape and clear our minds and get away from the frivolous behavior that can sometimes encompass our daily routine...in some ways the re-entry magnifies the things we willingly left behind and in coming back it is the challenge of seeing things with a fresh perspective and renewed heart...but this does not stop the post trip glee doldrums from occurring and like anything else we must give that time and space to go through our souls.  On some level, I could stay on the road forever and understand the need and desire people have who do it...and on the other hand I am so happy to be home and safe and warm and comfortable, if not a little depressed for the moment, only due to the complete extreme of living on the edge to safely sitting on the couch.

 Of course this may seem trivial to some who haven't made the leap of adventure, but tasting the side of life that does not give merit to how much money you make, where you live, who you are or what you do is the magic that proves we are merely small and momentary in this world.  During my ride through Glacier Nat'l Park i found myself yelling and laughing inside my helmet like a small child, simply amazed and delighted with the world so close to my being, so open, so free and so damn big.  That was just one moment of many where i couldn't describe the utter amazement at my good fortune in this world and the luck and sweet existence I have somehow stumbled onto. The angels have given their sweet guidance and love and for that I am grateful.

 Getting away from it all...high up...seeing it from a different place all together helps put it into perspective in a way that sometimes doesn't always make sense...but like the river winding and gliding through the world it has a beginning and an end, and in between the journey is the key...the calm waters, the rapids, the deep, the shallow, the fierceness, the quiet...it's all part of the journey and knowing that we create our journey in any situation is the practice to remember...

The simplicity of the sky and the earth and the color and beauty around is the anchor to which we all are tethered, albeit in a myriad of different ways in this life.  The open space around us allowing us to breathe and remember that the most important thing is the moment we have right now....the perspective of the adventure and the journey should not be lost on the idea that we don't get to have that same experience in the daily existence we call our own.

This photo of all photos to me is one of the most relevant to my life...the winding road over the horizon...the road less travelled...the unknown...Sometimes you find these roads when you least suspect it....

The View

The view is amazing if you just stop and take a moment to see it....even if there are days when it's a little fuzzy.

Realization

There is a moment maybe in all of our lives that we have a realization.  That sounds stupid...we have those all the time...but I am talking about the kind of realization that happens in the most rare of moments when things around us are going a million miles an hour and it seems that we can't make sense of it and can't slow it down and don't know where to look, what to say and what to do.  I had one the other night during my latest photo exhibit opening.  It was a surreal moment when I was looking around the room realizing that I had finally arrived in a way that I hadn't allowed myself to ever arrive before...in full bloom, full force and full love...love for what I had created, but more importantly, love for all those who have loved what I love and given me the chance to shine brighter than I ever thought I could.  This is merely the beginning but in that moment I realized that I no longer was on the freeway of confusion and frustration and angst, and I have long since left that road...i have turned my back on that road; I am walking down a very different road for the first time ever in my life.  It is a solitary road mostly...one that when I conjure it up in my mind is dirt with fields of sunflowers and intense green grass flowing and making that slightest whisper in the wind. There are birds landing and resting and flying and things are quiet except the gravel and stones under my feet as I walk in the very middle of the road at a slower pace than ever before so I am able to practice the moment of breathing in the smells and sights.  I don't usually look back on this road as I can't see the end of it and it curves and meanders and goes up and down, but if I were to get out in front and turn around to watch myself walking down this road I would see behind me a never-ending mountain range with forests, and snow and storms and the sun would be shining...the realization that I have finally had is that all those years of walking through the scary places and the mountains, and the forests have prepared me to walk into the blazing light of the dusty road we all call home and that road is beautiful and rich and wide and full of love.

in the groove

A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.
-Bob Dylan

I know i've put this up before, but i like to remind myself.

Instrument

What you choose to do with the tool of your creativity is your choice and only yours.

Boots

I've been thinking alot about how life has a funny way of making sense.  Yesterday I realized that for the first time ever I am truly happy with my entire path. It's not to say that I don't strive to work hard or want more or get anxious, but for so much of my life I have lived in this funny in between of knowing that I should be doing something else and not really knowing what or how to do it...Now, I know.  I have stepped onto the path that makes sense and feels right to the extent that i am extremely content to wake up in the morning knowing that I am lucky to be on it.  This is not an easy path for sure, but it's not the type of difficulty that comes with living a life that is not your own.  That is difficult.  I find that the relative understanding of the old way of living helps me get through the minor challenges of the new path...the worry about what if I don't make enough money.  That is so funny to me these days since the reality is the money is abundant and flowing and comes from my own creation and no one else's...The worry that people will judge me and question my ability...that is so funny because I am the only one who judges me and my own ability since most people are too busy thinking about themselves to worry about it, and I mean that in a good way.  My boots have walked many miles through a life that is relative only to me.  My experiences are not as hard as some and that is ok, they are a challenge for me and for whatever reason I have been placed here to work through all of them.  Are there things I wish I could change or do better?  Sometimes.  Do I think that I've got it made? No...Am I aware that there is a ton of challenge ahead?  Yes...but all of that seems more comforting knowing that i get to walk in my own shoes and not someone else's.

Underwood

Typing was the best class I ever had.

I Love NY

not NY...but feels like it...

Time

It takes time to realize that time is one of the most important things we have.

Celebrate

Just being in the moment and simply observing how someone else has shared is cause for celebration

Creativity

Sometimes being creative can really be hard.

True Believers

You don't need everyone...just the true believers.

Through

The moment we confront the door that is seemingly closed is one filled with many emotions.  Simply getting to the point where we stand outside of that door looking at it takes honesty. To finally go to the door and grasp the handle and pull it open is pure bravery, but to step through the door and pass the threshold can only be done out of love for our soul and blind trust that the other side is safe and waiting for us to enter.

Words

Remember, we are all just big kids.

Rewards

Its not always easy to get to the top, but once you are there it is a peaceful reward.

Movement

There is a challenge each day to keep moving yet to be still in the movement...not to rush the momentum and not to think to far ahead. It is a meditation of motion and purpose that keeps us focused on the now.  Sometimes it takes stillness and thought to finally create action and when the action is in motion the stillness that was the mind and the heart have truly begun their excercise.

-J

Soul

"Your soul isn't in your body; your body is in your soul."
-Alan Watts

Abyss

i was told if I followed my passion life would gladly open all the doors and allow for the path to be there.
This is true....however, just because the doors are open doesn't make it easy.  You still have to trust that you won't fall into the abyss.

View

"There are times when we feel that the end is premature, that the end is not fair, that the end wasn't meant to be.  Yet sometimes the end is the thing that keeps us safe from ourselves.   The decision to decide what we are going to be may inhibit what we actually can or will be."
-Justin Davanzo

Bird Without a Song

"If you love a person, you say to that person, "Look, I love you, whatever that may be. I've seen quite a bit of it and I know there's lots that I haven't seen, but still it's you and I want you to be what you want to be. And I won't be happy if I've got you in a cage. You'd be a bird without song."
-Alan Watts

Aperture

"You are an aperture through which the universe is looking at and exploring itself."
-Alan Watts

The Search

I'm on a major search right now.  A search for meaning. A search for relevance and importance and fulfillment.  It's one of introspection and outward meandering and questioning...sometimes full of distraught feelings and frustration followed by elation and excitement and joy. It is the daily look at what is right in front of us without disguise, raw and true however difficult to see and watch.  All of this adding up to the daily search for the here and now moment that seemingly defines us, and then remembering that no singular moment defines us. No mistake or foible or act determines our final outcome as they can always be addressed and changed and answered to create a different NOW.  The search for the moment and not the next moment and the search for not searching...just being. Sounds so easy....breathing sounds easy to but how often we forget.

The Moment

"Life exists only at this very moment, and in this moment it is infinite and eternal, for the present moment is infinitely small; before we can measure it, it has gone, and yet exists forever......"
-Alan Watts

Play

This is the real secret of life — to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.

-Alan Watts

Believe

"Believe that you can run farther or faster. Believe that you are young enough, old enough, strong enough and so on to accomplish everything you want to do. Don't let worn out beliefs stop you from moving beyond yourself."

-John Bingham

Sometimes

Sometimes you just want stuff.

The Plains

It's been cold lately....everywhere.  I just heard it was -30 in Steamboat this morning....dang.  It's been cold here in Santa Monica even. Last night it got down into the low 40's which for some of you that doesn't seem cold, but trust me, it feels cold.  The dampness from the ocean and the fact that most living spaces around here weren't built with the cold in mind make it seem colder than it is. I like it though. It feels like a season at least.  I recall in the late 80's it snowed a little in the hills above Malibu but I don't remember if the cold lasted as long as it has during this current cold snap. In any case, it reminds us all that we really have to do our best to wake up each day and mold our lives around the present conditions. Live in the moment if you will.  I find myself sometimes wondering what the temp will be in a few days, but why does that matter really? My point, I suppose, is to try and maintain our sense of now...the present, and what we must do in the moment to make sense of things. I am thankful I have a rood over my head and a heater that works and warm clothes and food.  That is my now for today.

The Urban Santa

I want back to my roots a bit when visiting Boulder....I found another Urban Cowboy except lo and behold, it was Santa...see? I knew Santa was real.  Funny how over time as a photographer, we go through phases of what we see and what we are drawn too.  It's been some time since I paid attention to hydrants, but there he was...There is so much to see all around all the time and as a photographer it is fun to let loose and just find the moments and objects that are in front of us.  I still get so much pure joy from simply taking photos that I know it is part of my ultimate happiness....

The Path

Sometimes the path isn't as clear as we think it is or would like...but its there. And often times there is a place to sit and contemplate for a while....so find the bench or cozy chair, or log, or rock and sit for a while...I know I'm going to.

Follow the Light

Sometimes coming out of the tunnel can be a shock to the senses. It's bright and not clear sometimes which way the road turns, so there is some inherent trust in the fact that the road will be there and the light will guide you.  Sort of like the daily in and out of our own thoughts.  Yesterday I was in a tunnel for a while...today I am seeing the light at the end.  When I come out the road will bend and twist and the light will guide me.

The Run Angel

For those of you following my blog and recent journey into running...I have a short update to share with you.  Over the holidays I drove back to Boulder, Co to visit family.  There I continued my training in the cold and at altitude and it was going great until I got a bad case of the Flu....It's how I ended the 2012 and brought in 2013. At first I was really bummed and then I thought, well, at least I'm going into the new year clean and detoxed...although I wouldn't mind a more comfortable way. Anyway, after 4 days of total delirium, and not the good kind, we drove home.  It has been 10 days since I have been able to run due to cough and crap and just not feeling well. I was getting a little discouraged until yesterday.  When down, I usually do one of a few things to take my mind off it, and that can include, writing, napping, reading, moping, exercising, or riding my motorcycle to name a few. Since I am still sick, I decided a good moto ride would clear my head.  I road out into the cold and possible rain as it has been stormy here in So Cal, but I don't mind that...as a matter of fact, I kind of dig it on the moto.  I road to my old haunt up in the hills for some cozy breakfast and from there continued home over the mountains.  And then it happened....right there out of the blue in the middle of the Santa Monica Range, I saw him again....Tai....the little old Japanese man who inspired me to train for and run the LA Marathon.  He was standing there looking strong and healthy in a red Northface jacket and hi tech walking stick and smiling.  He had no idea who I was as I pulled up in all my gear looking like a stormtrooper, but when I walked up to him and said, "Tai! It's me, the guy you met a while back and talked to about the marathon..." He instantly remembered...He smiled and laughed and said, "Oh yes, your wife is a runner too."  I was so excited to share with him that he had indeed inspired me to run the marathon and how thankful I was.  He was so happy and excited and as before kept saying..."when you cross that line it will change your life forever." Needless to say, the timing of seeing my running angel was perfect. I had been feeling discouraged and a little down as my anxiety from not being able to run and train had crept in, but now I remembered, that this journey is long and there are ups and downs and it's merely a matter of persevering....of continuing to strive.  It was confirmation for me that I was again on the right path of commitment and seeing Tai made me happy and reminded me that I can do it...that this was the journey for me.  Out of all the space in LA, to run into him again in the middle of nowhere at that moment was an intervention of grace....I can't wait to see him again and share my training and thank him again. The power of a stranger to change our lives is not a myth....Today I will be running again for the first time, albeit slow, but again with my mind on Tai, in his red jacket and his smile, cheering me on....

What do you desire in 2013?

This is what I desire.

Happy New Year.....