Friday, February 1, 2008

the old self


self, originally uploaded by boxersiciliano.

well, today i had my first day of PT...really this whole thing has been tough. I don't do well not doing...i was pretty emotional at one point, hobbling around feeling like i was useless, but i also think i was emotional because i was on the way to healing and getting back to my old self, but not just my old self..my old self with more perspective on life and what i am able to do...not being able to function normally sure wakes you up and makes you be thankful...for example..i got to ride a bike today for 10 minutes..albeit slow and with not much vigor, i was riding a bike....I CANNOT WAIT TO RIDE MY BIKE OUTSIDE!!!! the simple act of being able to walk even...all of the obvious things of course. But the reality of it still sucks sometimes and the ability to go in and out of the times when i feel totally ridiculous and low and depressed and then letting that go and looking outside and changing my attitude to one of thankfulness, excitement, grace and respect, not only for myself, but all things. Sitting on the couch for the last 5 days has been one of the hardest things i have ever had to do..now I have done it before through 2 hernia surgeries, but those are such distant memories for me that this feels harder...funny how doing nothing can seem so hard...and i also don't realize how much my body was effed up on the pain killers, surgery etc...a trauma...the body is reacting to the invasion and has to shut things down to do so...crazy our bodies...wonderful though when you really think of it..anyway, i am on the couch now, but i feel like i rounded the corner a bit as i wait for the pizza i ordered and i get to watch another movie...sometimes is takes a setback to really remind us of all the important things and that life is so precious. I hope everyone is being precious to themselves right now and enjoying each moment completely with fire and ferocity and peace and purpose....thank to all of you for your love and support...

Gimpy McNoodle

5 comments:

Babbo said...

Son,
We are heading up to Santa Ynez today, with the bikes, to do some riding. You'll be on the bike next week, just like the doc said. In the meantime, eat pizza, watch movies, and read. Once you're back in the saddle with work and everything else, you'll forget this week ever happened.
Dad

Justin Davis Davanzo said...

bene papa!!! have a great ride!!!

Ms. Conley said...

Hang in there...this is all part of the healing process. Frustrating for sure, but soon it will be a distant memory and life will be grand again, filled with adventures and journeys’……....I remember when I had surgery and felt like Mike Tyson beat me to pulp, 6 weeks of recovery was so brutal, but it certainly made me appreciate having all my parts functional.......just breath and relax as best you can.....

amanda said...

Justin...
so nice to see your face!!!! I was able to do a bit of writing on my trip...it's funny how it parallels the passage you wrote yesterday. I guess we both have "Healing" on the brain...Hope your enjoying the down time as best as you can...

You are in my thoughts,
Amanda
Romel too!

Jeanine said...

I too have a hell of a time sitting around doing nothing... but my body reminds me when it needs a break. Be gentle with yourself. You are allowed to feel all these feelings.

But know that with your awareness and strong mind, your knee will heal in no time. Until then, enjoy the pizza and the movies :)

Namaste.