Tuesday, February 19, 2008

What's the point?


framed, originally uploaded by boxersiciliano.

ok...something important for us to remember..especially for those of us that have maybe just made a huge transition in life or chosen the path less travelled....Does it feel ungrounded? Does it make us question ourselves? Do we doubt? Do we worry in large amounts at the moment we go to bed and the world is silently shutting down all around us while our body and mind is firing non stop questions, doubts, worries and self chastising criticism? If so, keep reading...you are perfectly, 100%, completely, absolutely and hilariously normal...i'm not saying you don't need help of some sort, but you are normal. I use help loosely, not the type of help that some may need in the form of white jackets and pills in a small plastic shot glass Ala Nurse Ratchet style, which by the way, we should all be so lucky to have Chief as our friend. (if you have never watched One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest with Mr. Nicholson, you should...for two reasons, it is a great film and it will make you feel less crazy...) I am talking about the help in all of our resources, our minds, our lifestyle, our everyday moment of ability to change and cope...for some, therapy may be a huge downer, somehow triggering a thought they are weak and can't do it on there own...good, that is what you should realize...you can't do it on your own and you might be weak in some area of your life...that is ok and awesome because now you can start practicing how to get stronger...for example...i feel like a week man with no muscle in my leg and all the things that have come along with it...the very first time i went to Physical Therapy I hated it cause it made me feel even weaker..being around other weak people..but then I remembered...that is the process of getting STRONG again...being even STRONGER THAN BEFORE...the things that don't kill us DO make us stronger. I don't care how cliched that may sound...it is true..so accept the weakness of whatever you need to and take a deep breathe and realize that we are all weak at one time or another and need the help of those around us that come from experiencing that triumph over the so called and percieved weakness...it is a great strength to recognize your weakness and embrace it and use it to grow and become wiser and stronger....Don't do it alone!!! who ever thinks that they can do it completely alone is either totally insane or stubborn or unwilling to accept that very few things in life can be done alone..ok, maybe some sports and some creative activities are "done" alone, but i'll bet they didn't get there alone..i'll bet that they had someone at sometime, inspire, teach, push, expect, hurt...whatever the catalyst, they got there with someone...now when we look at this in the grand scheme of life from a more complicated view of subjects like....i feel guilty that I have this or that I did this or whatever it may be, then we need to learn why...we need to be strong enough to admit that we feel that way and need someone to guide us, if only for a moment...that is strength...it doesn't mean you shouldn't go to the depths of sorrow, anger, frustration...you should, but you should also be ok with speaking and reaching out and realizing that it may be time to reach out to your tribe....i had a tribe member reach out to me yesterday...and it was sooo brave and meaningful and the strength it took to admit to me that she felt ridiculous and guilty and sad is a great moment in her life of looking inward...of waking up and unmasking the "perfect" life we all think we might have...that angst and frustration and confusion is the best thing in the world to experience...it means you are a human being....how many times i have felt that way...why just last week i think i was catatonic on the couch feeling like i had somehow failed and that I would never be the same again..silly, but true, but it needed to go there and go deep and feel....otherwise we are not alive and true and in complete denial of the ups and downs of life...how beautiful is it that we get to feel all of that....beautiful indeed....today is another day to test ourselves...to face our fears, and our doubts; to give into the scary unknown of today and not worry so much about the grand picture..keep it simple and breathe and know that you are not alone in this grand adventure so full of love, joy, fear and unknown...what fun would it be if we had all the answers and knew everything that would happen?

I say live life the best you can in any given moment, no matter what, even if that moment is filled with guilt...live in the guilt and accept it...completely.

love and understanding.

10 comments:

Vintagedivva said...

Are you sure you haven't read my own personal diary??? lol

We are all perfectly im-perfect and that is beautiful. I relate to this message, as I am sure most of us do. You express it such an intimate manor that exudes self awareness. Thank you.



~~hugs~~

Ms. Conley said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, I love you......xoxoxo T p.s. I bought the Pinto today, I pray it's cool - I think people will think the purple is too much, but I don't care....

melissa said...

this is definitely something I needed to hear. I go to that place where I think I need to do it all on my own and when I can't...well failure. Thanks for reminding me that I need to reach out for help sometimes.

Swirly said...

Very wise...very brave...so full of so much TRUTH. Love you.

amanda said...

Justin...

The sorrows and pain and questions of life...of my own life could have never been faced if it wasn't for those people that truly understand me- that truly love me unconditionally and stood there in the pouring rain of sorrow at my side in the very darkest tunnel of my life. I have braved life - YES- but certaintly not alone...I never could have done it. At my lowest- when I sat with the possibility of death before me- actually pondering the great escape from all that burdened my mind,heart and soul....the phone would miraculously ring- there would be a knock at the door- my dogs would lick my face...God...how did they all know- how did they realize at that very moment in time I needed them above all? To this day I am amazed...I am lucky in life because I am loved...and it is that love from others that has saved me - from sorrow and pain and from myself. I hope to love like that- to be there-waiting and available to anyone who needes me - who is crying inside for someone to care and comfort them and remove them from the pain for just a second. Asecond is all you need to change someone's life-I have lived that first hand.
Thank you for your words once again...they are-as usual - so pertinent in my life.

Amanda
Romel too!

C.o.o.L. said...

corky. this hits home as i sit here completely exhausted with one boob in the mouth of a tiny dictator who is sweet and new and perfect, yet i wonder daily if i did the right thing by choosing to even have a child because my life seems so interminably fucked right now, all freedom gone, feeling weak for even thinking such selfish thoughts, and guilty for admitting them aloud.

Lisa said...

About your bit on "don't do it alone"...
I have recently discovered that my inability to ask for help not only hurts me, but hurts the people who surround and love me. By me not asking for help, I am denying them their opportunity TO help. I trump their spiritual gift of giving with my suit of pride.
I'm and exception to the old saying, "it is harder to give than to receive." For me, it is much harder to receive than to give.
Thank you for the reminder today that it is OK to ask for help.

Lisa said...

And to "c.o.o.l." I'd love to have a chat with you. You are so much stronger than you think having just typed those words...

Justin Davis Davanzo said...

strength in the tribe...amazing...
thanks guys...

Jeanine said...

That feeling of not being alone is so comforting. And it takes such great courage to ask for help but through the darkness, I'm always moved to tears by the generosity of spirit that people extend when you need them. Through the pain and the loss... I'm still amazed by all the love in the world.