Tuesday, December 23, 2008

bravery


handle it, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

this year is coming to a close quite fast...it has been a whirlwind of family, gift preparing, working, resting, and wondering...wondering what the next day will hold and how things will work themselves out in the coming year. It is easy to get caught up in the unknown i think .....right now I feel a good amount of unknown and in working through it i feel like a small being sitting by a fire on the top of a mountain having council with the wind and the snow and the direction of the moon.

the recent cold weather here makes it easy to sit inside and work on the things that need to be worked on..the writing, the photographs...but it also plays tricks on the mind and the body and then i realize why bears hibernate..i mean...why not? to some extent it makes perfect sense, and beside, it will be summer before we know it and we'll be outside and then we'll feel like we don't have an excuse to stay indoors and drink warm drinks in flannel pants and shirts while eating the 3rd helping of left overs from the holiday meal. I suppose that last winter I was forced to stay inside due to the knee so it wasn't as obvious as this year, that I am for sure affected by the weather. I am not necessarily depressed or sad, but I feel as though my whole body has slowed down and for me that is an adjustment.

I am better in my life now about "doing nothing", whereas my earlier years I would freak out and couldn't sit still for too long for fear of...what? I don't know. I am using this time to rest and be ok with the slower pace of things, the introspective times and the cozy world of winter...

so I travel back to the image of me on the top of a mountain by a blazing bonfire looking out over the vastness of the mountains around, which is my life. The mountains i have climbed and fallen off and walked around, and burrowed into, and flown over...and I have somehow made it to this particular mountain and for some reason, there is a feeling that the mountains ahead of me are not as steep or dangerous, because i am now an experienced climber...does it mean I am not afraid? of course not..to be afraid is the ability to save ourselves from disaster and making mistakes, but it is also an important reminder that i have been afraid before and as long as I step with purpose and care and put into practice all the things i have learned and the tricks of the trade in this life, I can look at any of the mountains around me and go to them and sit on top and wonder about how I got up, how I will get down, how I far i have come, and how far I can still go...

the mountain of 2008 was probably the largest expedition yet...and i have spent each day of the 365 on a great journey, of which the journey to the next mountain will take me and fulfill me again and again. That is what I have remembered and learned most this year...the journey...

the journey is the path of the beginners mind, the peaceful warrior, the armored angels, the artists way, the human being...there is no end in site for me...nor would I ever want there to be...odd that i am deathly afraid of heights and yet i understand the idea of climbing a mountain and then getting to the top and looking for the next one...not from a standpoint of prowess, but from the place of living for each moment, each moment that foot trudges forward in the face of danger and beauty...all of this i see and feel this moment and I am embracing the fullness of the wind that is always at our back.

I have shared this journey for a year now....and as I look behind i see the world from a different place...a place of a tiny bit more understanding and patience and love....all those that have believed in me and loved me...

may this year come to a close with the feeling that you too have climbed your mountain and now as you sit, be amazed at your strength and bravery...this is the journey we are on...remember, there are still seven oceans after the mountains...so pace yourself....


Whatever it is you celebrate, i hope it is complete this year.

Love and Understanding.

6 comments:

lu said...

Lovely sentiments, thank you Justin.

I think when we are so in tune with our bodies and we spend a great deal of time fine tuning it is hard to let winter slow us down. But it's the way it is, time to burrow a little, and if we must we might as well enjoy it.

Cheers to you and all of your loves,
Lu

TitaBella said...

Beautifully written, beautifully expressed, beautifully lived... And remember (as you remind me) that once you get to the top of the hard earned mountain, you get to SLIDE or SKI or FLY or RIDE down it! WHHHEeeeEEE!!! XOXOX

Ms. Conley said...

Gorgeous post....and thanks for reminding me about the journey.... easy to forget. It sounds to me like you are in an amazing place right now and you should hold onto it for as long as you can....and no pacing yourself. Pacing is for babies and old men....all my love to you and your family....Merry Christmas.....

Anonymous said...

Justin
I have followed your journey through out the year , and i look forward to reading about what you get up to in 2009, Please could you wish your your mum, and family a happy christmas, and if you see Chissy, Jenny Ian , Michael or Caleb and (Gil if you still see him)wish them a very happy christams and good health in 2009, from Alan an old friend in the UK

Justin Davis Davanzo said...

Hello Alan...Is this the Alan who used to visit with soccer ball in hand?? Well of course, I will send your love and wishes to all, as I see them more often than not..i hope your Christmas is a great one too...so good to know you are here.

J

Anonymous said...

Justin, Hi you do have a good memory
I hope you had a great christmas break relaxing and recharching ready for the challenges of the new year, living in Boulder certainly brings out the magic in everyone, keep on enjoying
alan