drive

Tip, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

the drive to be somebody, to do something, to be good, to be strong, to be famous, to be a parent, to love, to succeed, to be quiet.

I think one of the most satisfying things in life is to recognize a goal or idea and accomplish it, no matter how small or grand it may be in someone else's eyes. I realized last night that a large part of my life is measured by my physical goals to be strong, or in shape or to ride my bike farther or faster. I am not sure what part of my personality drives me in this way, but it has always been a meditation and release for me..and a sense of purpose and accomplishment, something tangible that I can be proud of that I did out of hard work and commitment...maybe that is what it is. Because sometimes, the other things I love in life are measured by other markers of success, but physical fitness is pretty simple to measure for yourself and no one can tell you that you didn't do it. Yes, it may be the same with our other endeavors, but there are different hurdles to overcome. For example, as an artist, we are constantly measuring ourselves against those who have come before and those around to give us permission to be an artist, whereas, I can ride my bike 100 miles and I know that no matter what, that was a HUGE success for my mind and body....no one can say to me, yeah, but you don't quite have the skill or experience or talent...no one can tell me anything. I can be proud of it no matter what anyone thinks or says....

now you may say, "wait, this should be the same for art" and when I say art, i am talking about art on a grand scale...all of it, whatever you consider as art...Generally at some point, an artist needs someone to say, "that is great art and you are an artist" to really make it hit home...or do they?

This is my struggle...the truth is this.
I am learning and trying to practice the same drive, satisfaction and love for my talent as an artist as I do for my physical body. I am not saying that I am a professional athlete, but I do think that as I get older, I am strong and able and healthy and damn proud of it. Could I be stronger and faster? Sure. But that is not the point. The point is how do I also feel good about my work as an artist without relying on those around to tell me it is good. How do I take my art to the next level without relying on others to take me there?

I suppose this is just like the way I look at riding my bike or working out...little by little i get stronger and faster....

So here is to the artist in me and you...little by little we grow larger and brighter and spread our love for what we do to all those that can see it.

Love and Understanding

The Trail

Paddle in Paradise, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

so today I was walking with my new wife...yes...love saying that these days...and it was rainy and wet and damp and a little colder than usual, which seems odd considering it is 108 degrees in the Northwest, and i realized that as we were walking and talking, i was literally and figuratively walking my path. today was a day of talk and getting things out and flushing things through my brain and with the help of a good hike and my partner in crime, we talked about all sorts of ideas. of course i felt better after that...a little clearer and a little calmer. All in all, this is the type of thing I need to on a daily basis, but i often forget that half the battle is the brainstorm. I find myself getting so pent up with anxiety and questions and worries, that I forget to breath and let things take shape. All of this ties into what I have been writing in the last few days and it has to do with trust. That is ultimately what it comes down to. Trust that you are on the right path or trail and that the accomplishments over the last year, 3 years, 10 years, adds up and really means something. Things happen because we put ideas and thoughts into motion so we can't be surprised when they happen, but wondering when they will happen is a whole other story. I constantly feel like I will never be successful at anything because i can't figure out what I want to do with my life...and then i realize, i am successful...i am "doing" my life...that is the realization.

although this is MUCH easier said than done, it is nice to feel it sometimes and let it sit and stew. I have learned that change is good when needed, but sometimes the patience to not change and to push through is also important as it presents opportunities that only come through time. what opportunities and how long we don't know, but that would be no fun i suppose...

so tonight i am on a trail...and it is raining.

Love and Understanding

Mysterious

King Kong, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

i just woke up and I am tired today..really tired...like the kind of tired that I couldn't open my eyes at first without feeling like they had sand in them..you know? but I heard the coffee brewing and I had to get up and have it. I have been marveling at the mysterious nature of life these days. How it works and why. Why things line up in our lives and occur just at the moment they are meant to and during most of that time we are trying to make it do something it doesn't want to. It seems we spend a lot of time wishing for things that aren't in the cards at the time we are wishing. Perhaps this is by design. It gets the energy flowing and out of the dreams and wishes comes action and from that action comes the catalysts for the universe to present its plan. Some days are better than others i suppose...in terms of letting things happen versus "making" things happen...which is it? What is it that we are actually doing in life? Are we letting things happen or making things happen? It all depends on who you are talking to or how we perceive it. I believe in the balance of the two. You have to take a step forward in the direction you believe you should go. One cannot stay put and hope the ground will move, but in taking the step one must then trust the flow of the direction they are headed and the path that they are now on. For being tired, I sure have tapped into my inner Buddha.

The path to the right path is often not the path we had planned on and who is to say there is a right path anyway? So in essence, we are walking blind and only by looking back at the paths we think we chose, do we see where things fell into place. I think of that all the time. The little things that had to occur for me to end up in a direction. Really think about it and it comes down to a small detail of the moment or a thought, or a forced direction. I can think of thousands in life that lead me to today...led me to this morning. Why am I writing about this today? Because I am in one of those moments I suppose creatively and it strikes me that by "doing", things begin to take shape..by saying yes to the creative path, things happen and only after does it all make sense.

I guess life is kind of like waking up every day...you just do it and the day begins and unfolds, no matter how tired we are or how cloudy it is, or sunny, or how overwhelmed, bored, happy, sad, confused or indifferent...we just get up and open our eyes and that is the beginning of that path for the day...

Love and Understanding

tasty waves

Hanalei Bay , originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

every time i look at this shot i want to go for a swim...it reminds me of how warm the sand and the water were. They were the perfect temperature early in the morning and both were equally inviting...the sand had a cool feel yet just beneath it was still warm from the previous day and by the time you got to the water, it was a soft calm feel that washed the sand from your feet with a delicate yet purposeful embrace. The air was just right too...and the magic combination of the three made it a seamless journey from land to water and back. Most days i didn't even shower, i just swam and air dried...perfect.

so i've been thinking late at night what is next in life...what is our next adventure? Obviously we are on one, but i mean the details of one that i don't know about yet. I have agreed to not try and think too much about it, but it is hard sometimes to not. All of this adds up to tapping into a large imagination of the things i love to do. I feel well rested from the responsibility of planning the wedding and doing things that were uber creative for me, but I am ready to begin again..to tap the creative barrel and check the grapes and see if they fermented just right to begin another batch. Can you tell I was in Wine Country?

I want to leap into the blue water of my mind each day and splash and play and float and dive and sometimes not come out for a long time. Then when I do, i want to bask in the sun and sand and fall asleep and dream that I am in a dream.

Love and Understanding.

Paradise

Rainbow in Hanalei, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I don't really know where to start on this so i will just start...it dawns on me that i have not written for some time, mostly due to the final month of craziness before the wedding, but also because i needed to give myself some space and permission to not share every moment as of late. I was even remiss on taking photos, although i did manage to get a few that, for me, captured being in Hanalei...the above being one of them.

The overwhelming feeling of family and friends that I have been embraced by in the last two weeks is immeasurable. Every day I think about it I am more amazed and I feel more blessed. There are so many moments burned indelibly into my mind that I will never forget. Of course, the most important is the marriage to Nita...and i just can't believe that i got to be the one to marry such an incredible being. it really is surreal. Everything...kind of like the picture....it almost doesn't seem real or possible, but then you realize, it has to be because you were there....you saw it all, you heard it and tasted it...like sitting on the beach in the warm sugary air of the salty water, feeling the dense heat from the jungle and watching the rainbow form right in front of your eyes and thinking...."i knew this was possible...i knew it, i knew it", but man was it a long road to get to paradise.

I have learned that the most important things in this life are those around you. this wedding personified that 100 fold...i realize that without them I would not be here or be who i am, and I for sure would not have had the patience and wisdom to find my wife....The vast love and support that was shown and is shown each day is beyond explanation or thought or worldly existence. To see so many beings together, living, loving, laughing, dancing, and just being....well, it gives me an understanding of what it is to be rich beyond measure. There is nothing in this world that could equate to the richness of the friends and the family in life. I saw and heard things that have simply blown me away..things i never thought possible or never dreamed possible except for in stories, fairy-tales, movies and dreams.

I believe that this life is what you create...what you dream, but more importantly, what you are given by others. Of course you all attract each other but it takes real love and insight to know who your true tribe members are, and when you get it right....you REALLY get it right. The fact that two tribes merged on this island and became one is the most perfect meld of beings that i have seen ever. There were some missing of course and of course I wish they were there, but they were there in spirit being celebrated by the others.

this life is not meant to be about money, fame, fortune or any of that shit...but the sole purpose of our lives is to be loved by our tribe....

It all seemed to go by so fast and so slow at the same time. Funny, i think that is what it is like when you are a child, but you don't know that is what is happening...think about it...think about being a kid...every day is like that...adventure, love, laughing, crying...except you don't know the concept of time yet so you don't care and the summers seem really, really loooong...so long that at some point, you think, I could go back to school and be ok with that. You don't realize how fast time is going until you are older and seeing it pass by in minutes, days, weeks, months...wham...just like that...but there were moments when time stood still...just for a second...and as someone said during the beginning of the ceremony, although i am not quite sure who as I was so transfixed on watching NIta walking too me...they said, "Take it all in".....wise words and yet very hard to do in this life on a daily basis or moment by moment...but so important.

Take it all in...every drop...slow it down and really see and feel it all...can you imagine being a kid with this knowledge??? it would suck...you'd be thinking the whole time..."shit, i'm already driving?"
but i digress....

I waited a long time in my life to get married and I am glad...because if I hadn't taken the time to make sure things were just so, i wouldn't be sitting on that beach looking at a rainbow....i don't even want to think where i'd be sitting. In many ways, i feel as if life is starting over a bit....but with more wisdom and fun and understanding...and all the cliches stand true...like fine wine, life keeps getting richer, and better and smoother and more complex....all this is true...all of it.

And then I am reminded of another amazing phrase or thought that, upon a second hand telling, i marveled at and really loved...
I won't get it absolutely right, but in theory here it is....

When this life is done and we have travelled far and wide and we are at the doorstep (put whatever doorstep you want in this scenario), and the creator comes to meet you....he/she will ask you one question and you better be ready to answer it......

"Did you have fun?? Did you LOVE what I did down there?? Wasn't it a blast??? What about that beach on Hanalei????"


You better be ready for the answer on that, because i just don't think there is another reason for this life....it cannot have been created for anything else, but to love our time and our lives and those in it....

My family just grew by at least 50%...i love you all soo much.
I love my wife and only hope that when she sees me in the morning, she sees this beach and looks up to the rainbow and believes it is all real...because it is paradise in this life.