light

light, originally uploaded by boxersiciliano.

as in light at the end of the tunnel...tonight i ate my first real meal since my surgery!!! it was heavenly....Broccoli, potatoes, salad and an amazing pork loin..mmmmm....all prepared by my godfather Richard Turley...a fitting thing since he used to babysit me when i was just a wee pup...i mean wee as in first born...thanks Turtle for the amazing dinner.

Well, to say the least, the last two weeks has been quite the ride and sometimes i felt foolish feeling tired and angry and grumpy and other times i just felt helpless...and it was hard to imagine something bigger than this right now...today i drove a car to work and had my first day back since i hurt my knee...granted i am not teaching skiing, but nonetheless a stimulating desk job was just what the doctor ordered...i have my own office in the ski school building and I actually get to do my own thing a bit...nice really and especially since it is a job...after sitting on the couch for that long (and I know and recognize that this is minor compared to some, but for others we have our extremes and this was mine right now) was tough...I don't think i have really been taking life for granted per se, but as usual an experience like this will for sure help one remember to appreciate the little luxuries in life...I look back at the date of my injury which happened on Jan 8...a month ago...wow...really i can't believe it is only a month..it has seemed like an eternity..i'm not out of the woods yet as I have a full month of Physical Therapy and I can't just run around happy go lucky. Last night i almost killed myself falling down two small steps in the middle of a restaurant..just one wrong step and I went down...funny, no one helped me up and no one asked if i was ok..i think they were just shocked and most couldn't figure out if i was limping before or after the fall..i felt retarded and silly and embarrassed and all the things that our ego feels in those moments, and then it was gone...who cares? so what? yeah, i fell...and then i had the slightest, teeniest, smallest inkling of what it must be like to be handicapped and have people look at you out the side or steal a glimpse of you to try and understand what the problem is...i don't know what they thought, but i had a moment of proud anger...like, "hey, i'm stronger than you can imagine, but right now i am having a moment so deal with it."...i don't know if it makes sense, but all the moments lately have been trying to, once again, teach me about self compassion and patience, which i ran out of the other day (ok, maybe for 3 days) and it is those times that i walk away feeling like i didn't quite make it to the level of understanding i had hoped, which is ok...i actually think i did pretty damn good overall for the last month...knowing me....I have had so much support throughout the ordeal and really owe it to all of those who love me and care so much about me...that is really the biggest thing for me to remember...thank you thank you thank you.....for your love.


So, let's just say, i have been through a relatively dark forest and come out the other side and the sun seems to be just a bit brighter and the trees just a bit greener and the smells just a bit stronger and my knee...well, my knee...just a bit more character with 35% of the meniscus gone...i now qualify as someone who has had knee surgery...and i kid you not, almost everyone i meet (especially working at the mountain) has had some sort of knee surgery at some time or another...wow...

For now, i'll continue to do my little leg raises and tiny squats and scissor moves and rubberband thingys and try and walk as normally as possible and smile...because i can.

love and understanding.