Oatmeal

today is a beautiful day...blue sky and warm gentle wind.  It may be the first time in a few weeks that I actually woke up and didn't feel totally off...Yesterday i went food shopping for the first time in a long time and bought all sorts of good stuff...so i made oatmeal this morning with blueberries, almonds, brown sugar, and vanilla soy milk, with a glass of grapefruit juice and some V8 to wash it down...breakfast of champions i suppose...or maybe just breakfast.  Either way it feels good to feel "normal".  Last night I went to the boxing gym and rode the bike a bit and tried to work out some and it felt good to just be there...trying....the lesson of life...trying.  It is amazing how many times we get up and go through the motions of each day in a haze or fog and not take in the actual directions and moments of what may be brewing...I have been reading some blogs that i love and the most common line seems to be taking flight, doing what you want, living in the moment, not looking back and being wild and free...no matter what...i think it all comes down to the concious decisions of each moment..to not quesiton our instincts...to have fun and be silly and take chances...to not stop doing the things we love for any fear of any kind or any doubt, to be open and relaxed so we don't miss the moments in front of us and so we stay limber to flow with the gusts of wind that blow us around...to go into the deep depths of the dark forest, knowing that the other side will be lighter than before, to ask ourselves "why?" constantly...to ask others "why?" to laugh and smile and play and breathe a deep breathe whenever we can remember to....sometimes all of this writing seems like cheerleading and huffing and puffing, but it is not...it is the first step to constantly remembering all the things we want to be and do...if we don't think about it and practice, just like anything else, we will never get to that point....so i am glad to read this over and over from others in different ways and i am glad to share my thoughts of the subject over and over for me and anyone who wants to read it...I have found an inner strength lately that is coupled with the unusual feeling of loneliness, not the type of loneliness one would associate with not having friends and things like that, but the type we feel when we make a very difficult decision to actually follow our love, dreams, thoughts and instincts...it can feel lonely at times due to our own minds telling us it is too hard, too quiet, too slow, too silly...it is a self loneliness that is beautiful to be in as it gets us closer to ourselves and we no longer depend on the thoughts of others and the world to tell us what we want and who we should be.  At times this life can seem so full of complications and troubles and sorrows, but when we stop, just for a moment and ask ourselves if we are ok...if we are really walking down our path, then at least there is one less soul in the world that is adding to the big blue world of despair, and is actually adding to the big blue world of bloopers, love, silliness and passion....

today i will walk among my dreams, loves and passions...and in doing so I will give to others.

love and understanding.

J