Thursday, May 15, 2008


Last night it rained...a ton. More rain here than i have seen since i moved here. There is something about the rain at night doing its work of washing down all the filth and grime and concrete and at the same time feeding all the life that has just come up since the dead of winter. I remember the days in my college years in Eugene Or., when it rained almost non stop for weeks on end. Everything was damp and muddy and cold and grey and riding around an old blue Schwinn 3 speed resembling a crab fisherman, with my yellow rain gear, was always a little masochistic yet under my hood I was laughing like a child. You got used to the rain eventually, well 3 years later at least, and it became a way of living. Things went on, unlike rain in Los Angeles....there it seems like the end of the world is coming. No one can drive, everyone is panicked and the ocean becames a floating petri dish from all the crap floating out to sea, not to mention the mud slides and basic havoc that the city streets inherit from the downpoor. The rain there is more like a punishment, whereas the rain here is more like a gift...a soft noise on your head and a sweet sound in your ears. I supposes after numerous years in Oregon, the rain doesn’t bother me anymore because I know it won’t last that long and the sun will be out again soon, but I do remember the times when I was deep in despair from knowing that I could not be outside in the sun or the warmth and I suffered from a huge bout of SAD…you know, seasonal affective disorder…the kind that makes your bones feel soggy and your mind feel slow…the kind that gives you a million reasons to not do anything each day. Just like anything else though, looking back at it, I really was enjoying myself, but I was not in the moment then. I was somewhere else and feeling disconnected from life. I realize now that enjoying the moment of each thing we are going through can open up and broaden our sense of adventure, life and love. Instead of thinking about the next 5 days, think of only today and instead of dwelling on the mistakes of yesterday, make sure to pay attention to the ones that you are making today…at least, that is what I am trying to do each day. People ask me what I do here, in Boulder, and I am now proud to say that I am a home maker…and damn proud of it. I cook, clean, do the laundry, wash cars, grocery shop etc…oh, and don’t forget, I have coffee in the morning, write, read, ride my bike, watch movies, sit on the porch…all the things that we want to do when we can’t or don’t have the unlike my days in Oregon, where I would have been freaked out about not “doing” anything, I am relishing in the well deserved downtime of being alive. I will be working again soon enough, or maybe not, but point being, I am trying to live just during the present day and what I get to do that day is the only thing I need to worry about. Sometimes you just need to let go of all pre concieved notions and cares and trust the stream of life…the one that we float down each day..The more relaxed we can be about it, the more we will follow the flow. Someone asked me what my religion or spiritual belief was the other day and for the first time I really thought about it and the answer came quite easily…”The Universe” I said…that is my spirit. How can I deny my part in the energy of the world around me. I don’t mean to sound hocus pocus, but I really believe that we can tap into the synergy of our life force through the flow around us and the design of all things. There are too many examples of how well things work in nature vs. the myriad of human error when we try to “control” or force things..I am not saying that we as humans don’t have a huge part in our existence and creating amazing and good things too, but for me there is a certain daily practice of trust in the world’s way…the stream if you will, and I for one like floating down it, sometimes lazily, sometimes out of control in the rapids, and sometimes taking a rest on the small sandbar in the middle of the day.

That is my spiritual belief. Streams are good.

Love and Understanding.

No comments: