words

the game, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

here i sit drinking a beer thinking of words to write...words to say. What are they all about these words? Funny as I have been learning to write in my life, there never seems to be a moment when this is mastered...i mean the writing thing. I have a writing ego that hates editing...this i have discovered in the last week upon receiving the hardcopy of my book and realizing, with the help of some close few, that, yes the book is fantastic and great and fun and all, but....oh no...a typo...another one...shit...and so i sat and sat and with the help of an editor (my mom and Nita)...i have spent probably a total of 10 hours pouring through and changing and addressing...and the whole time i had to fight the urge to not be mad at myself...strange. I still have about half of the book to continue with and as Nita and I walked over a small mountain this morning, i actually felt ok about the whole thing. as a matter of fact i felt better and they were and are right...a piece of work deserves the chance to be as polished as possible. It feels nice to know that i worked so hard on it and now i am able to step back, with some self editing, and work on it from a higher place of honor. ok ok...so this experience has taught me to slow down and to not take it personally. I find it hard anytime in life to hear the reality of things and not get pissed about it...it might be my Sicilian temper or, oh i don't know...it just feels slightly silly when i really think about it. Why get so worked up? because it is personal that is why. And when things are personal, it is hard to separate from it...

the important thing is that this kind of thing teaches us that we CAN do it...we can do things that seem difficult to accomplish. I am by no means tooting my horn but I am giving credit where credit is due...to those who write for a living and those who play music for a living..you know what i mean...its that feeling of doing something that you have always wanted to do and put it off and put it off, and then when you actually do it..you realize; that wasn't so horrible. Not to say it wasn't challenging and emotional, and frustrating as hell sometimes...because it was...but in the end, one realizes: If I can do this, what is next??? Imagine what i can do now....i have read sometimes that if you talk about what you are going to do, it takes the energy away from it. I can understand that, but I also see another side of that....when I say it, the universe holds me to it...by telling others and talking about it, you have to come through because those you have told are expecting it...not expecting from a place of pressure, but from a place of excitement and support...and with that support, and the vocalization of your endeavor...I think it actually gives power to your journey. Am i making any sense? I am drinking beer and eating pizza and listening to the very young college students in front of me discuss life...like they know what the fuck they are talking about...was that mean? oh fine...i was there too..but sometimes i can't believe it....i see now the wisdom of age and how it makes the elders more mellow..they can't possiby take things seriously and they must laugh at our young wisdom...like i am doing now...i hear it and it makes me laugh...you know what one of them just said??? "oh my gosh, my english teacher is like...i don't know...35 years old...and she is so lame..." ummmm, i am 37...excuse me young lady....

ok..i digress and i say things that are silly and mean sometimes...i am in a stream of writing and cannot stop so there..so now I am on to other things and the idea that life is so small, yet so perfectly designed amazes me....for example: two people 9 years apart can find each other in a maze of dreams, disappointments, trials, travels, broken hearts and the general maze we call life...

beer
pizza

writing...er typing.
so there...

this is Sunday, April 26 2009.

i end with a poem...or something to that effect...i call it Wild Mind.
Natalie Goldberg's book...a must for any writer.


here goes...

pizza. there is a walnut and some pesto. it tastes good.
i love to eat pizza and talk about things to come.
my life is magic and real and unbelievable
and lions will carry me down the golden path of this caged world and release me into the wild to hunt and be hunted..but wait, who hunts lions? Man...they kill lions...but lions are Kings of the Beasts so how is that possible? i don't know, but here is the thing. When riding on the back of a lion you grab the mane and hold on and wish that you were small because then you would fully believe in fairies and goblins and witches, like that moment when i watched the Wizard of Oz and was scared when the flying monkeys took Dorothy away. But wait, there is a lion in that...a Cowardly Lion and his tail twitches on its own accord and the Scarecrow loves Dorothy and the Tin Man needs oil and in the end Dorothy goes home...huh? wait, the lion...the lion...i am on the lion in the Serengetti and the dust is light and yellow and thick in my lungs and the smell of my steed is one of majestic power and knowledge and then i see.... i see me in the oasis of the desert that is my life. Who brought me here? why did they bring me here? does that mean I am thirsty or is it that i finally opened my eyes to the pool of water in front of me that only the Lion could take me to?
the lion....his paws are huge and soft and they bristle with dirt.

i wish i had paws like that.....i wish I had a mane...i wish i could sleep on the plains with the heat slowly sliding off my sweet back. it is all here...all right now, the lion and the witch and the wardrobe...wait, that is a different story all together, but another lion? so there...Tanzania and the Lion and the Tin Man...the Tin Man needs oil.....

The lion inside me sleeps sweetly and safely and i do not remember where I came from, i just know that I am here.


Wild Mind.

Love and Understanding.

Fired up

FIRED, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I got a hardcopy of the book last night....Tita read it to me and we sat on the couch and drank wine...what a good feeling of accomplishment and joy..to finally get it done and share it. I feel so blessed.

Love and Understanding.

Slobberfest

Slobberfest, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

this dogs name is Gus. Gus is a large dog and very messy, but as you can see, quite composed. Just goes to show you there is grace in all things.

The weather here in Boulder has finally turned back to the Boulder I absolutely love...sunny and warm and clean. I am still coming off my sickness (whatever the heck that thing was) so I am moving slower than usual, but the sun sure helps make me feel better. I took this picture on Sunday while Nita and I were having a fabulous Brunch at Brasserie 10 10...a great place on Walnut in Boulder where you can sit outside and have Bloody Marys and Chicken Fried Steak....can you say "Damn thats good." Anyway, it was a day in which we both were able to appreciate and celebrate and feel like the world was turning in the right direction. We brainstormed creatively, talked about the upcoming wedding, talked about riding bikes, and children and dogs. All in a simple moment in the sun....ok, with Bloody Marys in hand too, which is always better, but it is times like these that you feel ready for anything and ok with everything. So, today is sunny out, i feel like crap still, but I think we will go for a walk, or something outdoors to get things in the body moving..to kick this thing once and for all...

Love and Understanding.

Rusty

Rusty, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

And so it goes...one artistic endeavor ends, but another one crops up right away...isn't that the way it should be? For those of you who follow and for those of you who don't, I spoke about writing a book some time ago...in fact, I looked at my first page and i started the book in November of 08...Almost 6 months of work...ok, well i won't say that I worked on it every day...there were times when I couldn't muster so much as a word for a week, and then it would pour out....It has been quite an experience and for those who are accomplished writers, this is nothing new, but what a challenge. There was a moment about half way through when I thought..."how can I possibly make sense of this?" The balance of the creative process and the practical world each day proves to be the biggest challenge, however, at times, I was really glad to escape to my job and clear my mind of the doubts and concerns. OR...coming home from my job and diving in until late at night and living in my created world of the book....I would say that on some levels, this is the biggest thing i have ever accomplished...i mean, for me...i have always had a hard time seeing things through to the end...not some of the obvious things that come to mind, mostly the creative ideas or the ideas that come out when daydreaming about how to escape the humdrum world of a "regular" job. I mean that to say I am starting something and to follow through to the end was the biggest challenge....with no one telling you it has to be done, or no deadline, or no right or wrong way...only your own voice each day and your own thoughts...For me, this was a "warrior of the light" battle...To let go and not be perfect, to not compare to other books or photographers, to trust the process however long it took...

It was funny, right at the end I simply ran out of things to say...not that I couldn't have said more, but there was a natural feeling that the book had finished itself...I set out to write another few pages and what came out was the last page...without trying...it just ended...it was time...that then gave me the final parameters in which to finish and connect the last few dots...the feeling that it had finished its journey with me and that I was now tasked with the scary part...the sharing...

As always, in any art, this is the true moment...the moment we decide to give it to others...be it a play, a song, a picture, a book, an idea, a business....all of our work is only ours until we release it into the wild...that is when it becomes art....not because we are depending on others to make us feel good, but because it becomes the gift of your most personal and loving world....that is the vulnerable part of actually sharing the work....it doesn't really matter in the end what people think (although we all know it is important), it only matters that we, as artists, feel strong about what we did, so that we can stand in the light and be loved by our own Muse....

I would urge each one of us to constantly challenge our creative ideas, urges and efforts and make it our goal to share it with those around us...give it wings and don't worry about the consequences....Be the kid in the front of class who shares and doesn't care.....

So, without further ummmm...what do they say?? a dooooo??

for your reading pleasure....

"The Madness and Delight of Van Gogh" (Click on the link top right)

Love and Understanding.

a few things

cola4, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

this is going to serve as a reality check for me...so bare with me.

I got sick almost 2 weeks ago and I am still not feeling 100%...went to the doctor yesterday and he says "well, it is a virus and you must be patient...it is nothing other than that so just give it time..." now if any of you know me, which a few do, being sick is not my favorite thing to say the least. I am not saying it is anyone's favorite thing, i am just saying that for me, i go a little cuckoo for coco puffs when sick. i start feeling really frustrated and say things like "why bother ever trying to be healthy if i am just going to get sick?" or...."When I feel better I am going to be president of the united states and really appreciate my health"...not really, but you know what i mean...so getting sick serves as that small reminder to slow down, take it easy, practice patience, take time to think, and not worry too much about the every day things...just get better and be good to yourself.

fine...
so here i go...a small pep talk for me...mr sicko.

I successfully completed my first solo photo show.
I just finished writing my first book.
I am getting married to the most amazing woman on earth and quite possibly the 32nd Nebula Star Galaxy.
I have a job.
I am healthy and active and strong.
I have a camera
I got hired to take pictures for a restaurant.
I have amazing friends and incredible family.
my sister got engaged!
I just sold another piece.
I went food shopping yesterday.
I have a roof.
I get to ride a motorcycle.
I get to ride a bike.
I have two legs and two arms.
I have tons of people around me who love and support me.
I get to ski
I am getting married in Kauai.
I can type really really fast.
I speak Spanish
I make people laugh.
I was Romeo once.
I slept on a train next to a bathroom for 8 hours in Italy once
I was an extra in Austin Powers
I have travelled over 50,000 miles on a motorcycle in my life.
I am a writer.


ok...so there...so stop getting up in the morning and feeling sorry for myself and get to being healthy again. At least is is a rainy day out so i feel good about hunkering down and just being....

have a fantastic weekend.

love and understanding

my funny valentine

golden light, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

the below quote is one of my favorites from one of my favorite writers...it embodies the everyday man who is just living and not worrying too much about what should or shouldn't be...i think it speaks to me from a place that is a common ground when it comes to feeling a bit guilty at times for living life in ways that just feel normal to me...minute by minute...it is so easy to feel dread on a large scale when you have a moment to think of things while sitting on a brown couch in a brown robe...what will i do today? what will I do in 10 years? what will happen tomorrow? what do i want to do? who am i?

you know...all those things that swirl around in our heads each day...

so to all of us who have moments in between our super-hero moments...the moments we come down and feel little and mortal....breathe it in and pass through it...


FOR I HAVE ALWAYS LIVED VIOLENTLY, DRUNK HUGELY, EATEN TOO MUCH OR NOT AT ALL, SLEPT AROUND THE CLOCK OR MISSED TWO NIGHTS OF SLEEPING, WORKED TOO HARD AND TOO LONG IN GLORY, OR SLOBBED FOR A TIME IN UTTER LAZINESS. I'VE LIFTED, PULLED, CHOPPED, CLIMBED, MADE LOVE WITH JOY AND TAKEN MY HANGOVERS AS CONSEQUENCE, NOT AS PUNISHMENT. I DID NOT WANT TO SURRENDER FIERCENESS FOR A SMALL GAIN IN YARDAGE.

JOHN STEINBECK

love and understanding

the light

la sunset, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

FEAR

the small child within
is afraid.
This is for certain.
Look in her eyes and go deep
through the soft love
and see the terror.
See the fright
See the soul in a dark night.
But know this;
That soul looks out and sees
light.
She sees light
because you are fearless
and fearsome
and brave
and stark white.
Your armor
is dazzling
and crafted
and distinguished in its stance.
Yet it is bruised
and dented
and creaks at times,
for it has withstood
many blows
and many falls
and many battles.
many battles.
The sun is shining
and the hawks cry out in the crisp morning air.
The hill top is high
and your eyes are sharp.
You are a warrior
you are a warrior of the light.
Be prepared,
for this fight is bloody and long,
and full of terror
and full of fright
and full of fear.
Not unlike the young child you are protecting.
Fight with the fierceness of your love


Love and Understanding.

The stone.

DSC_0398.JPG, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

DAVID AND GOLIATH

It was a stone
against a giant
and the giant fell.
The stone was small
and powerful
and the giant was no match.
But it took courage to throw
the stone.
It took courage to stand up.
It took courage to be afraid.
The giant cast a shadow
across the hills, covering
all below.
There was no light
on the edge of the horizon.
Only the giant.
The battle was
short
and quick.
With a flick of the wrist
the stone was loosed
the air whistled
and the giant was
smashed.
The giant was felled
with a small stone
from a small boy.

Throw the stone
and slay the giant.

Throw the stone
and slay the giant.


Happy Easter
Love and Understanding

WWII

DSCN4309.JPG, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

a memory

a poem

Dying

It will come
for everyone
someday
it will come.
The day is now
when we die to the past.
We die to the past
and we live for today.
Today is our life
our love
our gift
our privelidge
not our right.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
open your eyes and breathe,
the air is sweet and the mountains
are green
the sea is blue
and when you round the corner
through the fields of gold
you may catch a glimpse of heaven
but you must be dead
to be alive.
to be alive
live
living
life
love.

warrrior of the light

boxer, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I just finished reading Paulo Coehlo's book, Warrior of the Light...a quick read that is more like a daily mantra than story, but there is a fable aspect to it from start to finish. Sometimes these books are just fun to read and don't end up speaking to me much, but this one was different for me...it tied into the War of Art and reminded me how important it is to embrace all of our faults, talents, and thoughts. I was struck how many times it mentions that the warrior knows they are scared and not sure and vulnerable. This is all too true and the basic idea that each day we are aware of our weakness makes us stronger if we believe in our power. It is a book that inspires us to stand up and fight as warriors, of course not in physical ways ( unless you would have to survive) but in the ways of the warrior's mindset. The idea that we are warriors blessed with a certain light in this world is the inspiring part, but the truth of dealing with it and how to be stronger is the challenging daily practice part....knowing when to lay down and not fight, knowing when to plan, knowing when to rest, knowing when mistakes are going to be made, but going ahead anyway, knowing who to believe and listen to, knowing how to train...all of these things we all struggle with each day.

One thing I found particularly interesting is was the concept of time...not thinking about hours and days, but minutes...not to the point where one would obsess about each minute, but the ever present flow of minutes throughout the day and night...there is no right way to be during time...one just lives each minute for what it is...war, art, love, sleep, creation...

This idea that we can do anything we want in life is the hardest thing to grasp, but one that is the most important, so we are not slaves to the world around us. I think being a Warrior of the Light is the most difficult practice to choose....but the most rewarding in the end.

Love and Understanding

and...here...we......GO

drop out, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Yesterday, how fitting, April Fools...i started to hang my show...wow...not only have I been very anxious, but just totally in an unknown place...i have all this work prepared, but not really sure how to hang it or where it is going to go etc...and then as I make my way over i remember the book i just finished by Mr. Coehlo..."The Warrior of the Light"...a quick and inspiring read to remember that this is not all about knowing, or not making mistakes or being the best....it is about doing, learning and not being afraid to be a warrior...so i told myself all day yesterday that there is nothing that has to be perfect or right or known...i just have to show up and be there and do what I love...i spent 2 hours or so hanging and working and realized I was in total bliss and all of it was coming together and the ideas were flowing and I didn't care anymore about my anxiety...i left feeling really proud and satisfied that i had gotten this far and, although the anxiety crept in a bit more last night and this morning, I am feeling more and more familiar with this new thing in my life...

Love and Understanding