slow thaw

slow thaw, originally uploaded by boxersiciliano.

The New Year...it is here..again...like last year...wham....there we go again...How fast it arrives from the last year and how many of us can barely remember what it was we were doing at the last year's party as we get ready to count down this years party? It sort of seems like one big Groundhog Day..you know, the one with Bill Murray, when he realizes that he has a ton of times to get it right and keeps trying and screwing up and trying again and second guessing and trying to trick himself and others and then finally just letting go and living...i know, profound movie, but really...isn't that what New Years feels like sometimes? What is your resolution?...the questions is fired off again and again as if this year you'll finally get it right, This year you'll make sure you do it...huh...hmmmmm.....uhhhhhh...huh...yeah....i don't do that anymore...no more resolutions for me (wait, is that a resolution?) shit. I overheard a guy serving coffee to a woman the other day and he was talking about how screwed up our new years calender is as it falls in the middle of winter..when things are hibernating, dead, dormant, cold as crap, and that the ancient calenders, of which i am not sure exactly, but he continued to make the point...were on to something by starting their calenders in the spring..when things are actually starting anew and being born and coming to life...so does that make our time in New Years that much more challenging? How do we find new beginnings in the middle of all this "death"? and cold and sleep??? again i beg the response...hmmmmm...huh....ummmm....good point....i've never been much of a New Years guy, but i have to admit that for me this one will be quite easy to remember..it will be one of those years that marks my life calender when i can actually look back 10 years from now and pinpoint the day and year that my life was vastly different than before...(flash forward 40 years...) yep...i remember New Years Eve 2007..i was 35 yerars old and had just moved to Boulder Co. and i was working as a ski instructor at the local mountain..i had no money and just a trailer in tow...yes siree bob, i was a young buck then...(back to present day)

It seems to be one of those years for me..so much has happened and changed and when I really think about it there is so much magic in the last year, so much love and so much to be lucky for...2007 was an amazing year for me for so many reasons...not one do I regret.  i loved them all.  I have had alot of time to think in the past four weeks since i have moved and there are times when i am not 100% sure of anything or how I will survive or how i will feel in the time to come..i had my first real moment of missing some of my old life and that was a bit strange...i think normal, but strange...i still have alot to find here and have not settled in yet, but the journey is long and the time i spend reflecting and listening is so valuable.  

I wish that everyone this year is able to sit and reflect and ponder and wonder and be amazed and be loved and be alive and be brave and take in each moment of this amazing journey...the one we count down as we pass the years in this strange way of celebration...the journey that begins and ends in the dead of winter amongst such drastice change all around us, the journey that appears to us each morning we wake up and breathe in, the journey that is sometimes dark, and unknown and scary, and fun and perfectly given to each of us in the moment...i hope all of you embrace this year and do the things you want to do and don't wait for another year to go by wishing you had, or wondering...i saw a blind skiier on the mountain the other day...blind....can't see a damn thing and they were slowly making their way down the hill with only a voice to guide them and their brave instincts and trust to lead them...that is incredibly brave....i skied my heart out that day after seeing that...i went faster and turned with more joy and purpose than i had in many years...i laughed and i hooted all the way down...with eyes open...with eyes open......alive in this year....

Happy New Year.