That's me...in the front..in my glory day of cycling. That guy behind me is a huge Austrian guy with a funny accent and legs the size of steam engines in the Titanic. We are leading the race and probably going into that turn at around 32 mph...i loved it then and i love it now, but now I am having to re train my legs and mind to work up to another level of competition...so yesterday, I climbed mountains...big mountains...into the thin air of Colorado and across deserted dirt road, on my road bike, up and down, sometimes thinking of mountain lions as I slowly made my way up hill after hill, with my mind pushing me and thinking of reasons to not quit and to keep my legs turning over at any cost...I rode in a way yesterday that was vaguely reminiscent of my days above, but this time, my mind was strong, and my legs were not..they were stronger than i expected, but my mind was the rock...the thing that allowed me to push through the fear and pain the knowing that i may not make it...the reality of the situation..i had somehow hooked up with an ex pro bike racer who was kind enough to "show me around" a bit...and I ended up miles away and in the pain zone, the likes of which I had not experienced for sometime....but i loved it..i spit and drooled and blew my nose on my legs and cursed sometimes, and then sometimes i just gave in to the mind numbing thought that I was riding way beyond my fitness and ability and the logical side of my brain telling me that I had no business doing this ride...but by the time we had reached our final descent...a 45-50mph winding wide open mountain road for 9 miles, i was delirious and beside myself with the knowedge that I had done something that day that was not physically possible for me right now..and as I switched into high gear and suddenly my legs felt strong and alive, and we rushed to the bottom of the mountain, i remembered that i had yet again, traveled within myself and proven that, beyond pain and fear and the thoughts of my old glory days, i had triumphed and won...

As I limped home, seeing double, crosseyed and caked with dust and boogers and spit and sweat, i was happy...and lucky and alive...i climbed mountains and flew and suffered and lived...

and guess what? tomorrow, i get to do it again....

love and understanding.