Monday, June 23, 2008
No, not the movie, although if you haven't seen it, it is pretty entertaining...surprisingly...No, i mean an Iron Man...My best friend Gus Harper, the famous artist, just finished his first Iron Man in Coeur d' Lane Idaho yesterday...damn. Ok, just to spell it out...first it is a 2.4 mile swim, followed by 112 miles on the bike and then a marathon 26.2 miles. Ok, let's talk about this. First of all, swimming 2.4 miles, umm...yeah, I don't even like to swim a lap in a pool, much less 2.4 miles of that crap. Imagine swimming from your house to your favorite bar and back (ok, I am assuming that you like beer and that bar is 1.2 miles away) but really, think about how far that is...in the water, swimming...oh, and then add the fact that all around you kicking you in the face and legs and arms are 1000 other swimmers...Ok, that alone sounds gnarly..yes I just used the word gnarly and for any of you not used to this nomenclature, I will gladly spend some time on that word for you...
Gnarly-adj., Noun, Adv.- To be crazy, extremely difficult to do, huge in size, brave, stupidly brave, largely out of proportion to anything else you have ever seen, simply unreal or unbeleivable. "Dude, that was the gnarliest wave I have ever ridden". "Damn, that guy is gnarly". Holy shit, that was GNARLY!!!""Shred the Gnar dude." "I just had the gnarliest burrito of all times." "Gnarly gnarl man." "Those girls were super gnarly" (not a good thing) "that was some gnarly shit dude". " G N A R L Y" (to be used when nothing else will suffice and only in the gnarliest of gnarly situations when you can't believe your eyes)
So you see, that swim is the beginning of a very gnarly event and the swim itself is gnarly. If you haven't mastered the use of this word yet, please practice and then we can move on to "bitchen", but that is very advanced, of course after "dude"....
Ok, so Gus has just completed his 2.4 mile swim and is now riding his bike for 112 miles...ok, for those of you who have never ridden over 2o miles on a bike, what the hell is the problem...just kidding, but really get on your bike, seriously, for those of you who have not ridden 100 miles on a bike, this is a great accomplishment and everyone should try it in their life. It often requires 6-8 hours of time and energy and depending on the weather, roads, hills etc. it can be very tiring....now for the fun of it, add 12 more miles...call me at mile 100 and let me know how those last 12 miles are going, because this is....(wait for it) GNARLY...oh yeah, you just did a 2.4 mile swim...now, I have been a cyclist all my life and I have ridden 100 miles and more quite a few times in my life and it is never easy...never. I don't care who you talk to and how many miles they have ridden...IT IS NOT EASY. Did i mention I hate to swim? ok, so now our superhero Gus is on the bike for 6 hours and 21 minutes, (forgive me if that time is off a bit Gus, but I think that was right) which I think was an average speed of 17. 6 miles per hour...that is awesome...and gnarly....dude, bitchin!! That is fast and a constant speed of 17-18 miles per hour...go out and try it and call me back. oh, don't forget to swim first. To give you some perspective....Pro cyclists do 100 miles at race pace in a pack in around 4-5 hours...but Gus is alone...there is no drafting in an Iron Man...Gus is a gnarly dude.
Now....here comes the part that makes me curl up and cry like a little girl...a marathon...ok, I hate running and the thought of running a marathon makes me poopie in my pants...Gus happens to be a runner and has run his whole life...not a jogger, but a kick ass runner who has competed at national levels before, but he hasn't run too many marathons (maybe none?) So Gus goes out and runs his marathon in 4 hours and 2 minutes...I think Lance Armstrong ran a 3 hour 20...but don't forget boys and girls...he just rode flippin 112 miles and swam 2.4 miles....Can you all practice your new word? Gnarly....yes, Gnarly. He ran a 9:14 mile pace...ok, remember, that is for each mile...I can barely run an 8 min mile much less keep that up for two miles in a row...and for sure not after I rode 112 miles...Yesterday I rode 70 miles and came home and drank a beer. ok? Gnarly.
So, to my friend Gus Harper, You are the Gnarliest dude I know. Congratulations on your amazing race and finish...way to kick some ass !!!!! Remind me to never run with you and I am currently working on my cycling so I can keep up and I hate swimming so don't even try.
You are the man!
Love and Understanding.