Lighten the load

That's me...today i decided that it was too much..the itchy, dryness, the hats and helmets and constant hair products, the time spent messing with it...it was time to lighten my load...i shaved my head today with my mom watching in amazement...she'd never seen anyone shave their head and couldn't believe that i would just do that...well...its done...and let me tell you..it feels good...i have been toying with this for a while and in the past didn't because i was always worried that it may effect my chances of landing some acting role...well..right now that really doesn't matter anymore...so there....plus, don't have to spend money on haircuts or hair products for that matter...sweet...since I am trying to save money these days...anyways, this is all a little bit beside the point...

I just finished 4 days of ski instructing at the mountain and it has been beyond tiring as I previously had described, but it has held some amazing things too....I have noticed that the feeling of actually teaching children is so much more involved than just showing them how to do something and it makes me think of how we treat our own child within us..ok..don't get spooked on me, i'm not trying to go new wave or new age or soft..hear me out...

a young kid will believe just about anything you say and looks up to us like we are superheroes...especially when we are wearing a helmet and goggles and a big red jacket...when i am teaching them to ski, i find myself doing and saying things that are not normally said in adult life, like, "Don't worry!! You can get up..come on...keep trying...Yeah!!! you stood up!!!" or "its ok buddy, you did so great for trying and now it's time for some hot chocolate" or, "you did so awesome skiing down that run today..i am really proud of you" or "do you have to pee cause you can't ski and pee" (i just threw that one in cause it's funny) or "do you think you can try this and if you fall don't worry"...point being...when was the last time we gave ourselves permission to fall down and get up over and over and over and over and over...the amount of times these kids fall down and try and get back up before they quit is un friggin real...some of them need more help than others, but they will persist and persist and keep trying and keep pushing and keep falling again and again...when, as adults, did we lose site of that...?  I think there are many who are better at this than some and I for one want to keep working on it..which brings me to my point...these days for me, I am learning how to fall down and get up and not be so afraid of the next time.  this is true for all things in life, not just skiing...We can learn alot from kids and for those of you who have them this may not be a new  realization, but for me it is for sure a crash course in what simple things we as adults can remember...As hard as it is to spend 6 hours a day with these kids, it is an amazing sense of wonderment and work and a huge gift to me as I am reminded of those times in life when people were superheroes in my eyes...I realize that these kids are looking at me and trusting me as an enormous human being with super ski powers that will keep them safe and lead them around the mountain like a mama duck...they trust me completely and implicitly, which is amazing, and they come from a real place of judgement..they know if you are full of shit or really being real with them....I have discovered that this is much harder than i remember, but back when I was young, i didn't really give a shit about kids or have any insight into what it might mean to them...now, as tired as I am from the ins and outs, i am more rewarded personally from the teachings of these kids...and to think that I am their "instructor/teacher"...i should be paying them to teach me the meaning of life..the meaning of falling down and getting up and the truth in having fun...

that is not why i shaved my head...i did that because i have a dry scalp and I wanted to try something different...