Crossroads

12736, originally uploaded by boxersiciliano.

today is a day that i woke up feeling pretty good about life. I feel like my feet were dangling a bit for a while and not quite touching the ground, but now days, they feel solid and supported with the every day existence of life. I was home over the weekend for Gus's birthday (36 years old woohoo!) and to of course visit my Dad, Swirly and Taylor, and squeeze as many others in as possible which was fun, but tiring sometimes. I also recorded an audio commentary for the Shiftling with the director Taegen Carter, which was a blast...put me back in touch with the great time we had making that film, and generally got to reconnect with my old life...but a funny thing happened...it was like re- entering the atmosphere after being in space...where things are slower and different and beautiful...yes...that is my analogy!!! finally, a good one for returning to LA...flying into the city at night and looking out over the vastness of the lights and crowded streets, it was totally overwhelming and I couldn't believe that I existed there for so long without totally losing my mind. I realized that I no longer fit in there, and during my stay i had a constant uneasy feeling of my surroundings...maybe because starting new has been so good and refreshing and returning to the old world was so full of memories, good and bad that it just didn't make sense anymore. Of course I miss my family and friends immensely and that part i would take back in a second, but LA...hmmmm...not feeling that anymore...it is SOOOO different and having been in a new place now long enough to have perspective, i felt that I had come to the crossroads of life realizing that simplicity, quality of life, quietness, connections, kindness and being real means more to me than living in the fast lane...besides, LA is too crowded to have a fast lane anyway...eff'n traffic. I think i was scared that I wouldn't be able to let go of that world, but in returning, i can't see how I lived in that world before. Of course, I am not pretending to say that I am enlightened or better or not missing parts of that world, but for me, in my life now, LA is simply a strange planet, a land that I once new and now I enter it from the outside. Not unlike Tom Hanks returning from his island and discovering there is more to life than what he had...a stranger in a strange land. a crossroads that we stand on and walk a different path and in the end, we feel happy with our world and our choices...

I miss my family very much, and my friends who are dear to me....and I only hope I can see them more often, but not quite at the expense of my spirit being lost somewhere between the 405 and Venice beach in a sea of smog and palm trees blowing through the myriad of souls searching for their crossroads.

love and understanding.