happy halloween from Paul Bunyan and the Blue AX

muse 8

dog's eye view, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

dedicated to dogs....

so lately i have thought about the daily struggle of our lives to prove to ourselves and others that we are good...that we are strong and brave...we all want that feeling of someone being proud and appreciative of us. The challenge is that in life it will be far and few in between and we must learn to acknowledge our own self and integrity and be happy with numero uno and ultimately not worry about what others will think. Funny how we forget that most people are concerned not about you, but about themselves, and I don't mean bettering themselves, i mean, how can they beat you to the punch and squash your energy and dreams and hopes...they come from the fear that there is not enough room in the universe for everyone to fulfill their talents and be amazing and be recognized..so we get tripped up into thinking "why is he/she acting that way towards me today..i thought they liked me..." instead of stopping and first understanding that more than likely, they are not ok with themselves at that moment and there is nothing remotely in their minds concerning your existence. So we then fall into the trap of getting caught in pleasing others and trying to make sure they see us and are ok with us...when in fact, we have now lost ourselves, our true being and purpose to those around us who are, sometimes without knowing it, pulling us away and down from our passions, loves, and purpose...
so i think it is important to remember that we need to make a difference in our own perception of our own world and come at it each day with an attitude adjustment...an adjustment that says i am a hero and how can i be strong for myself and those around me who are not?

i wrote this mantra for myself to help me remember...back in 2003..


"I am a quiet hero unbeknown to those around me. They do not see my daily deeds of self preservation and human "beingness" (not a word but should be) in which i struggle to hold myself up high and walk proud and save myself from the ugliness around.. Those who have fallen from their own mantras of what it is to be a hero I have seen. What it truly means to live each day watching and waiting for each moment.
I am a quiet hero; nobody sees the deed i have done, yet i hold my head high and carry on..."

point being...no one will really know or see our daily deeds so get good at patting yourself on the back and being proud of your integrity and your bravery and your "hero" status....

if you'll excuse me, i am going to find the closest phone booth so I can change...afterall, it is Halloween.

Love and Understanding

Muse 7

cold, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Leonard Cohen is one of my very favorite poets, songwriters and spirits..if you have ever listened to his voice, it is captivating with a gravel texture mouthing the words he has written in a perfect sound. there is a lyric in one of his songs that inspired my free write below some years ago...we are all weighed down by things in life that feel heavy and difficult from time to time and it seems to me that those burdens are a choice we make...the choice to let them be heavy, or a choice to carry them easily and not let them hold us to the earth.

"in fact a burden lifted from my soul" -Leonard Cohen

---------------------------

In fact a burden lifted from my soul. The burden of a life within i can not control nor do i want to. I have greased the wheels from the slow squeak plaguing my mind.

In fact a burden lifted from my soul.

Shall my soul be awake in the deep blue of the early morning light and sky? Breathing with a cool wind in my nose do i float effortlessly along the rolling windy paths of disguise. As if i am free, as if my burdens have flown far away and gotten lost in the absolute sky above. The sky of never ending ironic capital clouds that build animals and float listlessly in the same burden-less breeze that kills my burdens with ferocity of butterflies in a hail storm of their paper-thin wings..like leaves in autumn with minds of their own, flying away together, quietly and unshakably tolerant of the torrential terror in front, behind, and below. The burdens endlessly float away by themselves and release the kindness of a lost soul buried beneath senseless fluff and ignorance. Do i bury myself and cross my arms with pale make up for all to see? I will let my burdens fly with monarchs and die into the light of a afternoon sun and cool in silky light. Lapse of memory inside a bowl cut with lemon and sugar giving a stinging pain to the open wounds of my burdens. Alas my burdens have set me free.
At last i am behaving like a butter-flied soul...conscious...aware and carefree.
---------------------------------------------

love and understanding

muse 6

green and scratched, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

middle of the week tiredness today...it dawned on me when i was talking with some friends and reading some blogs that there are many times when we don't want to write because we feel like we can't share the deep dark things of how we feel...you know, the things we all go through each day, with the truth being, we aren't in a good mood, and we don't feel inspired, and we don't want to get out of bed, and we aren't really happy about things...even if all of it is temporary and fleeting, it still seems ridiculous to share. As i have been posting my Muse writings this week, i had been reading over some of my entries which are extremely dark and sad and quiet, because that was a time in my life when things were that way and my writing was the outlet, so now I have not connected so much with them because my life does not feel that way...but wow, reading back and thinking back...at the same time, the other half of my writing was hopeful, and inspiring and full of wisdom that i could not fully grasp and understand from myself..it was me speaking through the darkness trying to hold myself up and keep the light shining. That is what we must do...hold our lights close and dear because we will all go through the dark times in our lives , but to be able to express them, through writing, painting, music..anything creative...that is a huge blessing. I would challenge anyone to look back at something they used to do long ago, be it poetry, painting, whatever, and give a look and a read and see where it takes you. Was it a happy time? if so, what was going on? was it a darker time? Search a bit...find yourself 10 years ago and look around a bit....Not to live in the past, but to think about how you've arrived to today....

so to share i have chosen a darker one for today...

2003
Part I:

I am alone and not sure of my future,
yet i am hopeful i do not fail my heart and my head.
i am lost in a huge world of locust
flying for the light of summer

Part II:

I am China. Porcelain breaks easily.
Sitting on a shelf waiting.
its purpose very clear, but useless.
Inside locked cabinets, clean and white.
Too fragile to put to use.
If broken it is irreplaceable.
Only on certain occasions will
it be used.
I am China unused, undisturbed.
Real from the acknowledgment
not from purpose. Sitting and waiting.
Delicate and fragile design surround
each piece.
Brittle and soft and useless.
A family heirloom full of meaning;
History.
A gift given to be revered.
I am China; broken and irreplaceable.
Do not breathe too close for fear
of breaking the rest.



Love and Understanding

Muse 5

Urban Yellow, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Today is a special day...my mom's birthday. So take a moment to think about you...and then ponder your mom's birthday. of course at this point we realize it takes two, so think about your dad too, but mostly think about your mom today because she actually birthed you...This human being is your mom....how amazing. I am sure we all have different views of our moms...but we can all agree...our mom is the one who really gave us our initial journey to this world....

this is how I view my mom...

a fairy with wings, an angel with a sword, a very large loud italian chef in a very loud large italian kitchen, a cute grandmother who likes to spoil my kids, a sicilian good witch who casts sicilian spells...sometimes the spells are to ward off the evil and sometimes they are to capture the good things in life, a famous writer and artist who managed to never have to cut her ear off, a wise sage who works with divine ones and guides them through the dark and into the light, a small child who still learns everyday how to do something new, my biggest fan, a super-hero who somehow, when we were kids, never slept or got sick and was always awake before we were, a dancing gnome, a little big woman, a tiger when crossed and a lioness when hunting, a queen in the royal court, a lighthouse in the storm..but most of all, she is my mom.

Happy Birthday mom...We love you!!!!


A birthday muse from 2001:

if you sit high on the bridge and
dangle your feet over and let the
wind rush by; if you do this and
happen to look down below into
the deep blue sparkling stream or
river below, notice that the current
is flowing somewhat quietly but very
rhythmically and with simple purpose.
it flows in synchronized white
water that gently parts around big
black smooth rocks. it finds its way
through twists and turns and onto
sunny sandy beaches and eventually
into the ocean where it is part of
a bigger purpose and picture. if you
are so inclined to look down and watch
the water rush by; make sure
to breathe and smile at the ebb
and flow beneath you.

this is life.

you on a bridge watching as life
journeys onward always downstream,
wether you are in it or not.


love and understanding..happy birthday mom

The Shiftling

ok..this is cool...click on the link to the right under The Shiftling...it will take you to a webite that is distributing the movie I starred in!  when you get there, click on movies and scroll through till you see The Shiftling..it will show you a short preview....wow...fun....Hollywood here i come.

Muse 4

DSC_0258, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Again with the dog...i think they might be my spirit animal perhaps...I think dogs and kids live a very similar life...get up when they want, go to sleep when they want, eat, play, worry about when mom and dad are coming home. Kids grow up though at some point and that is when dogs take the lead...they don't forget how to do all of those things...how to play and nap and love and listen. So today, I will practice being more like a dog....i might even hump someone's leg for fun....

2001-journal poem

this life is golden
give into it like a child
and take hold.

live complete and free
without knowing the mystery
of you or of me.

eat what you can and tast
all that you see
we can't smell the limbs
of pine in our finger
so pick them up and
let them bleed.

deaf to the songs of birds
will give into madness.
open up and listen
to what the say with
small brains and simplicity.

sense your importance and
give to it complete and
without abandon, adjust for tranquility.


Love and understanding

Muse 3

breath, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Funny how looking back at some of my writing, i was literally urging myself

to release the constraints of things that were holding me back in life...It is really fascinating to read old entries and see where we were and where we have been and where we are.  All of it leading to this moment of today and now and without that, there would be no ground to stand on.  All the things that were difficult and sad, and disappointing and surprising....all the amazing life lessons that, at the time, we can't figure out.  But as Steve Jobs once said in a commencement speech to Stanford grads..."We cannot connect the dots looking forward, we can only connect them looking back."

so true.

Another one written March of 2001...

beyond the fence lies the unknown.

there is a world outside of this one.

it lives and breathes regardless.

peek over the fence and smell the 

breeze of simplicity and fullness.

touch the grass and give thanks 

for the cool green flavor on your 

toes and in between.

clamor over the fence and run

as fast as ever possible in this life

and take flight in the possibilities 

around you.

fly higher than ever before and don't come back. 

don't look back from whence we came

for the fence has fallen

and there are no boundaries.

J

love and understanding.

Muse 2

stone, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

something i wrote in March of 2001
I believe I was trying to find my creative muse...The war of art possibly...


_______________
an army of angels sent from above
to fight and protect with silver
and gold. shields pounded from decades
of battle with clubs, and axes, and
brutal destruction. MIrror to each other
in the line of defense fearless and
steadfast standing across the dark
gaping chasms of life's terrors.
Each angel bigger than the last
with hard faces and burning black
eyes like steel talismans dropeed in
the crystal clear veins of water that
reflect the sheer brightness of the mid day
sun. fire shooting through the solid
ground they stand at the ready in
the warm wind and hot dust, silent
and strong. They wait to do battle for
me. I am their leader out front facing
the enemy and at my command we
charge without a sound, but swift like
a shooting star in the deep night.
_______________


Rally the troops i say...
Love and understanding.

My Friend

the shake, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

Each year during the month of October I realize that I miss something more than usual...Marco, my dog who blessed me for only 5 short years in my life passed away October 5 1995...yes, quite some time ago, but to this day I can still see him and hear him...He is one of my muses in this life. He has his place behind me in the studio. So for the next few days I am going to dedicate my blog to him and to the Muse.

The Muse we all have, want , need...Marco is and was one of my Muses and to him I owe my sanity at a time in my life that was not easy.


For Marco the Muse:

I still miss him.
He was my life
and kept me free.
I loved him.

The eyes of trust
have never been
stronger.

The laughter never greater.

He is inside me,
my soul and my heart.
His breathe will never
leave.

I have been touched
by him.
To touch him now
would set me free.


love and understanding.

random musings of a caffeine addict

canteen, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

this morning I awoke to the sunshine of high altitude outside my bedroom window, with the creek still flowing and the light of yellow and orange leaves bouncing from the trees. a quiet morning i sense. waking from a sleep that was deep and restful and warm. I dreamt of a place that is what you want it to be...not what others want it to be. where people stop and take a moment to understand things they don't understand instead of attacking with a judgement or a fear. where performers can dance at night with pinwheels and white high heel shoes, with socks made of plaid that come up to the knees, and a man can lie down on the ground with his ear to the speaker and feel safe for a moment. a place where we can look people in the eye and sense the history so we may better understand their current plight and why they see things and how.

that life is moving through us without stopping and waiting, like a river flowing, and if we are standing at the bank or if we are not standing at the bank, it is flowing...not waiting for us to watch or listen or sink or swim...it is in the business of flowing and will not wait to make sure we are there. and if we are making plans to map the river inside thinking we will now its path, the river will overflow and divert at the exact moment of our perfect understanding...and it will no longer flow how we remembered.

as a leaf falling to the ground on a windy day with a breathe of cool air and a soft quiet path downward...only weeks before it was green and vibrant and alive, not knowing it would end up on the ground in a dry and comforting crunch that is our sole as we walk through and smell the sweet decay of fall.

carry the weight within and breathe
bury the pointless ramblings of madmen who say we should be
give away the things that don't give back
stand by the edge of the water and listen
walk to the edge of the cliff and live

believe in the power of superheroes.


(i'll have another cup)



love and understanding

birthday

port, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

well, my sister turned 31 years old last week...Taylor came for a visit and we had a great dinner at a restaurant in Boulder called Mateos...this place is so great...the glasses, the food, the people that work their...the ambiance...and only 3 blocks from home. Taylor had a HUGE steak and we all drank our fill and ate a ton...i can't believe my little sister is 31.

it really does make the time seem like a moment. Now that we are both in our 30's, there is a different feeling i think. One of understanding and mutual respect that has always been there, but on a different level now. She is her own person and finding her way and learning all the things that we learn from our late 20's to our 30's. Mainly finding out that there is a ton of bullshit that we have to wade through to get to ourselves, but once we do things become clearer. As if a window is opened and fresh air is pumped in and the sky clears and you say..."oh, i didn't know that tree was there."...

Yet, this is such an endless cycle of finding out more and more about ourselves, because i am sure at 40 what we knew at 30 will be mind boggling and so on. Strange how it all works...kind of like a reverse waterfall.

when we are young, time goes by much slower because we have no reference of the time and our experiences are huge and full of new things constantly. And then, as we get a bit older, we notice the summers start to go faster and we sometimes get bored. Then we enter our 20's and we know everything and we have no concept of up or down, right or wrong, time...and then it hits....WHAM...we turn 30 and realize that time is flying by, we are getting older and yes, seemingly a bit wiser...and i imagine as we age we feel a bit wiser and more understanding and time keeps going faster and we keep feeling wiser...like we are going backwards into the calm pool before the waterfall...we started in the turmoil, the pools the eddies and work our way back up to the calm waters where we can look over and know that it is a long drop, but happy that we made it and can sit knowing what we know now. Still learning, experiencing and having fun, but in a more understanding calm way.

When we realize that we can be our own person, and live our life, that is when it gets good...taking care of ourselves so that we can be open to receiving the others all around.

So to my sister, Happy Birthday Taylor. I know this year will be a magical one full of amazing surprises and wonderful learning and when you fall, and you will, you will get back up quicker because you can.

love and understanding.

off days

jump, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

some days are just off...like this morning, I feel no bueno. I think i may have a stomach virus, but hey, it is sunny out and warm again so i'll just sit home and relax and take a day to recoop.

I have really felt connected lately to people i have been meeting. Other artists, athletes, couples...a sense of awarness and the desire to surround oneself with other people that are full of creativity, opinions, interesting stories and life experiences. I feel so fortunate to be awake in my life these days so that i am open to each moment.

That, i think, is one of the challenges we face on a daily basis...how to stay open and alert and really take note of our surroundings and what is being said. Treating each person with a fair introduction that is not biased based on what they look like or what they might be wearing or what you may have perceived them as. I find my mindset is different these days as I take my title as artist and photographer into each room..it allows me to step back and observe, and I really feel good about the strength that it gives when you honestly say to someone that you are what you are...artist, musician, writer, chef...whatever it may be....it grounds us from a real place.

I also think that knowing from a place within, and not waiting for others to tell you what you are, is the key...then we are rooted in ourselves and not dependent on what someone else may give or not give...the attitude that we are all in it together and we each bring the unique differences of ourselves to the table and that is that.

I used to not enjoy "networking" or going to social events where I didn't know anyone..maybe because I wasn't sure of myself...now, i relish in the next opportunity to meet one more person who can teach me something about this life.

love and understanding

steel braid

steel braid, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

I always liked to color...when I was a kid. I remember a full set of Pentel coloring pens. They were in a plastic yellow folder with a strap the held it closed and black writing on the front, and upon opening it, the rainbow of pens would meet your eyes. I also had numerous coloring books, but my favorite was the dungeon and dragon types. The ones with dragons, knights, battles, wizards, and castles. I may have even had some that were Lord of the Ring specials, point being, i loved to create that world in my own color. I would spend hours coloring in those books on my belly on the floor, many times right next to my best friend Gus and we would talk about the world we were creating or we'd simply not say anything for hours.

My coloring style was not simply filling in the space. No. It was a careful dissection of each moment and part and shape. I would outline the particular spot to be colored and then i would color it in by adding a vertical or horizontal line, followed by another until that space was filled....i guess one could say, i colored within the lines...a very slow and careful process that i loved to do.

I woke up thinking about this today and wondering what I still do like that, and then I realized i do almost everything that way...slowly and deliberately with great care and attention to detail. My brain just works well that way...a focused and designed practice of all things. Granted, sometimes, it slows me down and I don't finish things completely, but at the same time, i realize that my mind works the same way no matter what it is i am doing.

that is a blessing as I grow older because i can start to draw parallels to things that I love to do and how i love to do them...i simply go back to how i worked things out as a kid...how my imagination put me in the moment and the world and the task in front of me....except now, i get to be wise about it...you know, a great teacher always tells us to forget it all and start fresh as if we don't know. That is the place of trust within ourselves...to realize that we have been practicing all our lives and learning and now we get to leave it all behind in a great act of freedom and creativity, because we have it all in our bones and in our minds and in our hearts. Now we can trust that our blood will drive our energy towards something that we always had inside us while forgetting all technique....

closing our eyes with wild abandon and jumping, because we already know we can fly. We have been flying already....

Love and understanding.

Garage

triumph 3, originally uploaded by Justin Davis Davanzo.

i cleaned out my garage today...there wasn't a motorcycle in it for the first time in a while...and there was a small empty space, but it was ok...for now at least, because today was the first day of winter, as far as I am concerned. Cold, rainy, cozy...i am sitting by the fire now in our cozy place feeling content from a day gone by that was full of...well, not much of anything, which was just perfect. the morning was filled with dressing warm and walking to coffee and the day was filled with the transition that happens from summer to winter...the first ever for me. I spent time taking out the ski gear and clothes that have been stored away for the summer and putting away the things that we won't use as much during the winter. It was really fun..kind of like being a bear or a squirrel..you know, storing up for the winter and such.

I have had time to process my recent artistic triumph and it is so nice to feel complete by really doing...not just saying, but doing...and reaping the benefits and satisfaction of working hard and being focused. At the same time I had this feeling today of being overwhelmed with things to do...i dont' know why, just a general feeling of not having enough time. After a few hours though, it went away and I settled into my down time and my acceptance that all is right for today. the sound of the fire, the crisp smokey air that wafts through your cold nose as you first walk outside, the taste of the salty sweet margarita, the dark redness of the wine i drink, the smooth earthy coffee, the meat of an olive, the moment of sleep right before you fall all the way down.

I am looking forward to the days that are spent inside, due to the cold outside, knowing that it gives us time to slow down and go inside ourselves. The winter is the way mother earth tells us to be quiet, to rest, to take solace in the creative process of hibernation. I relish the idea that i am a part of winter and can't wait for the first snow.

right now I shall eat cheese and olives and drink wine and imagine myself as a king in his castle.

love and understanding

the show

ok..today has been amazing...I got a call later today from the Boulder County Arts Alliance...the one i applied for to get a show this year with my photography....well...i got it...it will be a show that will hang from April 09-June 09 at the McGuckins Design Center!!!  A high end design show case where people can come and work with high end kitchens etc...my pictures!!!!!  and..the Public Library might want them too!!! so...on a day, where things line up and things happen because we make them happen...i am beside myself and proud for doing....just for doing...and as one of my teachers taught me...you can't wait for your ship to come in if you never send any ships out...that is the truth.  So now, i embark on more of a artist journey...wow....thank you thank you....

i have been so inspired by those around me who are artists and really doing it...Swirly, Gus Harper, Nita, my mom...those who are making things happen.  My dad always taught me that you can do anything...this is all part of the grand picture.   No pun intended.

I will keep you posted....Buy some pictures soon...they might be going up in price!

love and understanding.

schmap

well...off to the right is a link to my first published photograph..which is for Schmap.com
granted a small thumbnail, but hey!!! cool!!
it is a shot of Hapa Sushi's sign in Boulder on the mall...


i am big time now.

War

down n spout, originally uploaded by boxersiciliano.

this is one of those mornings where i feel like I could start writing and never stop. Like I could tell the story of the world and the war and the death and the killing and the love and the life and the triumphs...of the Great Depression, the Eiffel Tower being built, the long boat ride over the Atlantic made by our great grandparents...the space shuttle blowing up the death of Vincent Van Gogh....the death of a man who shot himself in the cornfield and only had one ear left and was poor and spoiled and love lorn....one of our masters...one of the greats...for some reason i always come back to Vincent...i don't know why, but I feel him as a tribe member...not that i want to cut my ear off and blow my head off in a field...no, but i feel he is a brother in arms...a soldier, a man who would not rest or could not. today is one of those mornings where I can't decide what i should do...do I pay my taxes (finally)? Do i take pictures? do i write? do I clean the house? Do i curl up in a small ball on the bathroom floor in a fetal position and pee and poop and cry and throw up and feel sorry for myself?

Or do I meet the resistance head on in battle and run at it with my whole being and with my teeth gnashing and grinding and screaming a warrior's death roar...my mind clear and focused and all things in slow motion...just runnning...not hearing, not having anymore fear. The fear has gone in the initial headlong rush towards my destiny of war and knowing that I may not survive means that i no longer have anything to lose so my fear has become power and violent purpose and clarity...the drops of mud...i can feel each one as if magnified 100 times as they hit my face, the squish of my feet in my boots, the hair on my head, the sweat and the smell of my own being as I drive forward...nothing to strong, or frightening...nothing to tell me that I will not cross to the other side and kill anything that gets in my way...I am a warrior now and i will see the world as my battleground...this is my life today...this morning.

I awoke feeling frightened and small and unsure and not ok with anything that I was doing other than the immediate moments of love around me...my wife to be, our house, the knowledge that i am safe, the desire to be good...but beyond that, I had nothing this morning to tell me I would make it through the day....just another beginning as if i had just come out of the womb.

The difference being this...each day as we awake and are fortunate enough to be reborn in this world we can look at our time line as if we are babies..but only for a minute..as we get out of bed we age and by the time we are drinking our first cup of coffee we are adolescent and then...it happens...our wisdom and love and life take over and we are jarred into the reality that our ability to learn so fast has given us super powers...powers to be artists, men, women, people...tribemembers...

it all makes sense at that moment. we are thrust into our world each day with a purpose...that purpose of our own being, what we were created for and all of us...everyone of us...I don't care who it is, wakes up the same way...some of us have a stronger understanding of our momentary purpose in this life than others...but we are all there.

I have a day off today, right in the middle of the week, which is always weird, but wonderful...weird because I am thrust into nothingness...an opportunity to do whatever i want before I go back to work the next day...sometimes that day is hard because i don't know what to take care of first. that is why i feel the way i do today...but then the moment is there to realize that I am blessed with a day to tackle my life however i want to...like right now....i get to write and play and eat a bagel in a coffee shop during a day where the air is perfect and cool and the mountains are humming and I am strapped for the journey.

I awoke feeling full...not like a turkey dinner full...like a bursting full...like the moment before a horse race. Those powerful animals, stuck in a small metal box with a small man on top and the tunnel vision of funktionlust in front of them....funktionlust...the german word that basically means...."to do what one is perfectly designed to do"....that horse in that moment will experience it's purpose...to run as fast as it can...now one would argue..yes but they have a little man on them...who cares....that horse is just using that as an excuse at the moment...he is so primed and ready to burst out of the box that every muscle is like a spring...like a bomb waiting to go off....
that is how i feel today...like a bomb waiting to go off...ok...maybe more like a horse...but still....

think about this phrase...."what we were designed to do"...a cheetah is another amazing example of this....at the moment when they hit 80 mph, they are experiencing Funkionlust...and if you look closely, you might just see them smiling....it is that moment when you hit your stride and realize all is perfectly designed.....

where do i stop today??? i don't know...i have had this feeling before...backstage getting ready to open a show...the moment of shooting out of the gate in a perfect motion of body and mind. Or riding my bike up a mountain...or riding my motorcycle...or boxing, or taking pictures or writing...holy shit...i am having funktionlust right now as i write...i am actually running 80 mph with a smile on my face.

This weekend I had my first photo show...well, it was quite an experience...not unlike my first play i suppose, although it was more nervous and self aware than i had ever been previous...my art was on the wall...for everyone to laugh at...or do whatever they wanted...then i remembered the moment of resistance...the battle i had waged to get there...the love i had for my work...i was proud and bloody and tired and scared and free....at that moment it all became clear...i had won...i had officially qualified as an artist...in my own world...

of course, i had those around me who love and support me and encouraged me...Nita, my mom, dad, Swirly, Gus (go to youtube and watch) Taylor, you name it...all of them...and all of those who i come in contact with during my day. the strength to fight...the bravery needed to withstand the violent stabbings of blades long and sharp...am i violent today??? yes...why?

because war is a violent and dangerous place. being a warrior is not about being soft and polite...at least when the time is right...being a warrior is about strength and self respect...about patience and knowledge, about planning, about steel springs, about belief that you will vanquish your enemy, about death, about moving through...about life...

so I say for today, i will stand and fight hard and long and at the end of the day I will be bloodied from my victory...i will not take it for granted that I am powerful and steadfast. I will not forget my place and who i am and how i got there and who is my family and my friend...i will not give into the resistance of the dark forces that permeate the earth and the world...i will not hear the voice inside me that tricks and treats...

I will stand on the mountain, facing the rising sun and the breathe of my world will be deep and quiet and i will look across the earth and smell the depth of my spirit warrior and I will be still....in the box...waiting to spring and run and breathe and grunt and dive and yell...i will be a horse...i will live in my funktionlust and run and run and run.....you can't catch me....


love and understanding

Gus the Painter

for those of you who need to be inspired...and to witness the incredible work of my friend 

Gus Harper

very cool time lapse of one of his paintings...

enjoy

from the future

http://http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/01/beck.future/index.html


ok...so today...i am cheating a little...i'd like to share with you, what I think, is a great piece on our current...ummm...mindset....

can you say 1984?

j

mmm...music

neon, originally uploaded by boxersiciliano.

so last weekend we went to the Red Rocks Ampitheater in Golden for a concert...Sigur Ros, which is a band out of Iceland who sings in "HopeLandic"...a made up form of gibberish...anyway, the music was great, but the venue was incredible...if you have never been..go.

it is a natural rock ampitheater cut out of the mountain and at night you are overlooking the entire city far off in the distance. an incredible place to hear music and to be in the out doors. although, you do have to climb 10 or more flights of stairs...only in colorado right? you should do some high altitude training before you go...and, you can expect to get contact high from the wafting winds of mary jane that float through the crowds...couple that with the crisp air and altitude and it is a pretty nice night...

As a sat and watched the concert, i got that familiar feeling of artistic wanderings..the lust to perform and create and provide others with a sense of wonder, awe and enjoyment. I seem to get that most when I see live music. I am not sure why, but it struck me as i was sitting there, that live music might be one of the most powerful forms of live art...the amount of people listening in silence, sometimes, or moving or focusing...in this case, i think Red Rocks probably seats over 2000 people...more maybe...and at one point, the entire crowd was perfectly still and quiet...just listening..

I think what i realized at that point was the power of music to reach a large group at the same time and to have a similar effect on them...that is why i get so fixed on the creative motion i think...to be able to reach that many in such a state of life..raw music and moment...it is somewhat like that in theater, but never in that amounts and in the way that live music can....sure there is broadway and things, but you can't "feel" the theater like you can the "music"...music gets into your body...

needless to say, it inspired me to work harder on my photography...
i just started reading The War of Art...wow. thanks for Swirly who suggested it and thanks to my mom who bought it for me...

let's just say the key word for today is Resistance....

speaking of which, I have to go back to work.

Love and understanding.